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Say, We Have A Dream, Too! (1/19/04)
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Ho hum, another slow Monday-- made slower still by the fact that today's a holiday here in the states, so anyone who'd normally be making drama in the Apple world is instead quietly reflecting on the massive contributions to humankind made by Martin Luther King, Jr. Apparently most players in the tech field have the tact to realize that petty conflict on MLK Day would be distasteful in light of the bridges the man worked to build, which strikes us as pretty classy behavior. Of course, that also means it's bad for business, at least for ghouls like us for whom petty conflict and the drama inherent therein are essentially our bread and butter. But for Martin, hey, we're fine with it. We'll just recap the last couple of Apple Retail revelations.
First of all, according to the Business Journal (via MacMinute) there's a new store going into St. John's Town Center in Jacksonville, Florida. This one's still a long way off, though; the mall itself isn't slated to open until spring-- of 2005. But reportedly Apple is one of the retailers who "have either committed or are close to committing to leases," so if you're a Mac fan in Jacksonville (or you're planning to move there sometime in the next fourteen or fifteen months), keep your calendar clear for the grand opening. We don't know, set an iCal reminder for all of spring or something. We know it's way out there in the scary future, but if you eventually find out that the opening is on the same day you've scheduled laser tattoo removal to correct a certain drunken "indiscretion," well, you're going to feel pretty dumb, huh? And not just because you've got a tattoo of Baby Huey on your left buttock.
Possibly more significantly, though, the Austin American-Statesman recently confirmed reports that Apple is planning to open a store in Barton Creek Square-- just a stone's throw (well, if you've got a really good arm) from Dell headquarters. Actually, okay, the American-Statesman didn't do much digging; they just popped up Apple's Retail Jobs page like we do occasionally to scan for new city listings. Sure enough, Apple's looking for an Assistant Store Manager, a Full-Time Mac Specialist, an Inventory Control Specialist, and a few other people to staff a Barton Creek boutique. And you just know that Michael Dell's going to be in there every freakin' Saturday, taking notes and drooling all over the hardwood. Note to Apple: make sure you hire a full-time Guy With Mop, too, or else you're going to get sued by someone slipping on Mike's saliva.
We don't know when the Austin store's going to open, but here's hoping that it provokes exactly the kind of petty conflict on which we thrive. MLK Day's great and all, but seriously, nothing would beat a Mike Dell-Steve Jobs bare-knuckle fistfight in the Apple Store Barton Creek. We envision Steve picking Mike up by the collar and belt and throwing him so he goes sliding along the Genius Bar like in those old westerns. In fact, we've got a request: could the Barton Creek Mac Geniuses keep some liquor bottles at the end of the bar for Mike to crash into, just in case? 'Cause that would really make our year.
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SceneLink (4451)
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 1/19/04 episode: January 19, 2004: Things are slow because of the holiday, but that gives us time to catch up on some recent Apple Retail revelations. Meanwhile, the miniPod hits the top spot in the Apple Store's Top Sellers list (for whatever that's worth), and Microsoft goes haranguing a Canadian kid named "Mike Rowe" for having the gall to register "MikeRoweSoft.com"...
Other scenes from that episode: 4452: Number One With A Bullet (1/19/04) So just how often does the Apple Store update its Top Sellers list? Because, you know, we would have expected it to be an automatic and live sort of thing, directly linked into the ordering database, but that's clearly not the case-- at least, it isn't unless everybody waited to preorder their miniPods until a few days ago... 4453: Your Inbox Tells The Future (1/19/04) Hey, do you remember that thing people kept saying to you when you told them that you just got mugged by someone wearing a Donald Duck costume and brandishing a chainsaw? They kept telling you that "truth is stranger than fiction"-- which probably annoyed the living bejeezus out of you, in part because what you really wanted them to say was "I'm calling 911 so you can receive emergency medical attention for your assorted grievous chainsaw wounds," but mainly because it's a trite expression which only reveals that most people read really boring fiction...
Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast... | |  |
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