Lastly, we turn to News of the Bizarre, as we examine the question that's on everyone's lips: are Apple's walls harboring a klepto? And if so, which One Infinite Loopster is the one with the sticky fingers? You have to understand, we're not talking about some guy who walks off with your pen, here; we're talking major boostage-- as in, theft of store signs that are allegedly worth roughly $12,000. Legally, that qualifies as Grand Theft Signage. Jail time, anyone?

No, we don't much get it either, but faithful viewer Lonnie Robinson passed along a Mercury News article which reports that someone at Apple apparently swiped the Apple logo signs from Elite Computers and Software. Elite, you may recall, was once a mighty Mac-only reseller located right across the street from Apple's headquarters, but things changed last April when the owner, Thomas Armes, refused to sign Apple's revised (and controversial) reseller agreement, got delisted as an Apple Authorized Reseller, and then sued Apple for "breach of contract, unfair competition, false advertising, and fraud" before shutting down his store. (What a time for us to have been on hiatus, hmmm?)

Well, here's the thing: when Armes killed off Elite last July, Apple allegedly asked him to take down the defunct store's rainbow Apple logo signs, because it doesn't look good when your logo is prominently displayed on a store right across the street from your corporate headquarters and said store has clearly gone out of business. Apparently Armes didn't bother, but two days later, he discovered that the signs were gone anyway-- so in his suit, he accuses Apple of having stolen the signs. When confronted, he says Apple originally denied the theft, but then arranged a meeting between Armes, Apple, and local law enforcement. Said meeting was to take place outside of Elite. According to Armes, Apple never showed... but "the three Apple signs, one cracked, mysteriously appeared outside the store 30 minutes before the meeting's scheduled time."

Sadly, no further details are provided; we assume that the signs were dusted for fingerprints, but had been wiped down prior to the return, because otherwise we probably would have heard about an arrest. So who swiped the logos? It was pretty obviously someone at Apple; a team of drunken programmers, perhaps? Or was it someone higher up? Like, say, chief software tech officer Avie Tevanian-- there's a bit of a cat burglar look about him. Or worldwide sales veep Tim Cook, known in the business as "Ol' Shifty-Eyes." Or could it have been big kahuna Steve Jobs himself? Granted, this is the kind of thing most people would dispatch a lowly intern to do, but the man is an infamous micromanager, and we've seen him do weird things in public before when it comes to protecting the use of the Apple logo.

Ack... Too many suspects, not enough leads. Where are the CSI guys when you need them?