Okay, people, we know you're all very excited about the Apple Store San Francisco having its grand opening a week from Saturday, but it's possible that you might want to take the enthusiasm down a notch or two. Don't get us wrong, we're completely thrilled that Apple is opening another multistory glass-staircase oh-so-swanky chunk of retail heaven on earth, and nothing could make us happier than knowing that the store's opening will clearly be mobbed with screaming fans who will give the store the insanely high-energy debut it so richly deserves. (If you live within a thousand miles, you are going to be there on the 28th, right?) But maybe-- and this is just a suggestion, mind you-- just maybe you might want to stop shy of breaking and entering. Just a thought.

See, faithful viewer Victor tipped us off to a Wired article which reports that "several people have tried to sneak onto the unfinished store's construction site," allegedly to "get a sneak peek at the interior." Apparently a glass staircase is just something you have to see in person to appreciate, and waiting another two weeks would have led to permanent staircase-deprivation-related brain damage. Quoth a security guard who "had to roust some people a couple of days ago," "they wanted pictures, but that's not allowed. No way." Here's hoping the rousted survive their photoless, staircaseless ordeal long enough to attend the legal shindig. For what it's worth, the security guards are apologetic, and just doing their jobs: "I know it's absurd, but that's Apple's mentality, not mine; Apple acts like it's the Pentagon."

Ah, but who says it isn't? (Da da da DUMMMMMM!!!) We have a sneaking suspicion that the shutterbugs who keep trying to break into the construction site aren't after the staircase at all, but rather clues as to the nature of the Mystery Grab Bags. You've heard about these, right? Faithful viewer craig informs us that local Apple customers received email invitations to the store's opening which describes "a one-time-only San Francisco Grand Opening exclusive offer: purchase one of 200 gift bags that include over $600 worth of Apple products for $249." Why, it's a bargain at twice the price-- literally! The only catch, of course, is that you have to assume that the $600 worth of Apple gear is actually stuff you want, need, or don't already own-- and frankly, that's a bit of a risk. We strongly suspect that all these break-in attempts are actually perpetrated by customers trying to get a handle on what their $249 might get them.

So will Apple actually find 200 people willing to gamble a quarter-grand apiece on the Mystery Grab Bags? Well, considering we're talking about an audience so crazed they're trying to break into a construction site two weeks before the store opens, somehow we don't think the company will have much trouble moving the merchandise. Meanwhile, we don't have any dirt we can dish you on the contents of the bags, but considering the price and the fact that they're just regular-sized tote bags, we're going to have to make a wild stab at it and figure that some form of iPod enters the mix-- perhaps a miniPod or two-- possibly with an iTunes Music Store gift certificate and some other stuff. But hey, what do we know? Maybe it's just a big bag full of thirty empty AirPort Card Adapters. Ooooh, adapty!