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Wow, Man, the Colors... (2/17/98)
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This just in: another conspiracy theory from a faithful viewer whom we'll keep anonymous to protect his welfare. Let's just call him, oh, I don't know... how about Brian Pickerill? Anyway, "Brian" reveals the real story behind the recently-reported x86 performance bug:
The whole x86 performance bug "issue" is just an attempt by Intel™ to save face in light of Apple's recent snail ads. Sure, you can "document" this with some hacks, but what that doesn't show is that there is no way to implement this as a performance boost for current PC users. :) I'd bet that if they try to rewrite the compilers, a lot of the speed boost would evaporate.
Intriguing, no? It'd be insidiously clever of Intel to time the publicity of this so-called "bug" just when Apple's advertising goes on the offensive. Of course, this performance bug was documented sometime last year, probably long before Apple's snail ads were even a glimmer in some ad-man's eye. But if we were going to let facts get in our way, we'd be writing for some boring news show or something...
As for "Brian's" friendly speculation as to the possible "chemical origins" of AtAT's unusual and oft-perplexing subject matter and writing style, we promise that AtAT's writers steer clear of all illicit drugs, alcohol, and tobacco products. People who have long wondered what the extraneous 'X' in our URL signifies may want to read up on the amorphous doctrine known as "straight-edge." And besides, everyone knows that Microsoft is lacing the country's marijuana supply with a foreign substance that makes Windows seem useable. (When last we checked, one particularly interesting side effect of this contaminant is the onset of the conviction that Internet Explorer is inseparable from Windows 95. Scary, hmmmm? Just say no, kids.)
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SceneLink (461)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 2/17/98 episode: February 17, 1998: The hills are alive with whispers of how camouflaged Macs are creeping undetected into Apple-hostile territory by speaking Unix with nary an accent. Meanwhile, Oracle is still eyeing FileMaker Pro and preparing to pounce, and no one but Intel could be behind the recent publicity surrounding the x86 performance bug, in an attempt to downplay the PowerPC's dominance...
Other scenes from that episode: 459: Guerilla Sales Tactics (2/17/98) Just how different can Apple think? According to Don Crabb in a MacCentral "Rumor Reality Report," pretty darn different indeed. In an attempt to bypass the "No Macs Allowed" purchasing policies becoming more and more common in the corporate world these days, Apple's teamed with a couple of third-party resellers to paint its G3 Powermacs as Unix workstations-- which are often much more welcome in many companies. The G3 Unix Workstation, currently offered by Hughes Data Systems and SciTech International, is a standard Powermac G3 bundled with Tenon's PowerMachTen version of Unix for PowerPC, as well as Connectix's VirtualPC and your favorite and mine-- Mac OS 8.1... 460: Oracle Still Looms (2/17/98) The initial rumors of Oracle sniffing around Claris' popular FileMaker Pro database product seemed to come to naught; instead of selling off the application, Apple recently stripped Claris of all its products except for FileMaker and Home Page, laid off several hundred employees, and rechristened the remains "FileMaker, Inc."...
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