Hoooo, apparently it's Long-Winded Day down here at the AtAT compound! Those first two scenes alone already more than chewed through our allotted airtime; it just proves the old rule that the 'net-based soap opera format can't accommodate more than one careering foam-flecked rant per episode, we guess. So we're going to pick a nice, innocuous topic and get through it quick, and then we'll shut up and let you all get to your whole weekend thing, whatever that may be. Deal?

Hey, how about this? Faithful viewer JD MacMan tipped us off to a short AppleInsider blurb which reports that there's a new Apple retail store in the offing-- and it's going to be the first one in Iowa. Since we're trying to finish this episode and get off the air before your great-grandchildren die of old age, we'll refrain from pretending that we think Iowa's a different country and forgo the cracks about how this is another shining example of Apple's commitment to international retail expansion, etc. It hurts, but we'll manage.

You want evidence? Well, no listings for positions at an Iowa store have yet surfaced at Apple's retail jobs page, but AppleInsider refers to positions showing up at "third party Internet job listing web sites" starting last Wednesday, so we tried a search at Monster.com, and voilà: seven openings for standard Apple retail positions (Mac Specialists, Mac Geniuses, Keyholders, etc.) with a location of West Des Moines, Iowa. Location-wise, the listings don't get any more specific than that, but AppleInsider claims that the new store will be going into Jordan Creek Town Center, a new mall that'll be opening in about a month and a half; there's no Apple store listed in Jordan Creek's directory, but AI claims that "leasing representatives" from the mall have confirmed that Apple has staked out some space.

Given how many retail store grand openings the company has under its belt, we haven't a clue why Apple is apparently trying to keep this Des Moines store so covert; between the lack of job listings at Apple's site, the absence of the store from the mall's directory, and-- reportedly-- the top secret construction of the store camouflaged by the continuing construction of the new mall itself, you'd think the company was planning to sell black market military-grade munitions there or something. Will we be able to plunk down $1.2 million in nonsequential unmarked bills and walk out with an iWMD? We guess we'll find out when August rolls around.

See? We can be briefish if we have to; it just makes our eyes and ears bleed, that's all. Now go play while we try to figure out how to apply a Band-Aid to an eyeball. Shoo.