You're not tuning in for last-minute Stevenote predictions, are you? Because if you are, you're going to be sorely disappointed; sure, we've since come into some insider information from an unimpeachable source that lays out every single facet of Steve's presentation for Monday morning, including exactly what will be introduced (pricing, part numbers, and complete specifications), the precise hour, minute, and second each introduction will occur, and the terms of Steve's ultimatum concerning the title of Supreme Overlord of Earth and the details of exactly what kind of alien death ray he'll use to obliterate the human race if the world's leaders fail to accept them-- but we're shelving all that profoundly dull and tedious subject matter so that we can instead devote a full scene to the fascinating world of iPods in crime. Dunt dunt dunt dunnnnnnnnn!

Yes, iPods in crime; faithful viewer David Poves forwarded us a gritty BBC News article which describes how an identity theft and car swindling ring operating in London will likely be locked away for a good long time thanks largely to "a mass of incriminating evidence stored on an iPod." Reportedly the gang had a pretty sweet little scam going; members would "hijack" someone's identity by forging driver's licenses, bank statements, and utility bills, carry the bundle into a car dealership, and drive off with a newly-financed Mercedes, Jaguar, BMW, etc.-- which they'd then sell "for up to £20,000 pure profit." Allegedly the proceeds from this interesting arrangement totalled half a million pounds before a cop got suspicious seeing different swanky new cars always parked outside of the same southeast London apartment and the Vehicle Fraud Unit subsequently raided the joint. Among the evidence that was scooped up was an iPod containing "templates for false documents, letters that could be forged, details of false identities, and credit card numbers," as well as "an array of forged letters to claim the vehicles were fully paid for."

Now, we know what you're thinking: this report makes it sound like the iPod was collaborating with the gang and facilitating the whole car theft process. Indeed, it's not the first time that iPods have been implicated at least tangentially in shady dealings; a few weeks ago silicon.com reported on a "deluge of complaints" from customers of Appleimports.co.uk, which purports to be a service reselling imported U.S.-purchased miniPods so that Europeans don't have to wait until they ship worldwide in July. Apparently scads of people have paid their money and haven't received the goods, and while the jury's still out on whether this is a scam or just the result of a severely constrained miniPod supply here in the States, it's not hard to imagine a few scar-faced 'Pods laughing all the way to the bank.

That is, unless you know what the 'Pods are really all about. Our sources assure us that the iPod involved in the car thieving ring, at least, was not actually in on the crimes, but was, in fact, working undercover with Scotland Yard. "Let me store all the incriminating evidence, boss," it'd say to the ringleader; "I've got this nice, big hard drive just waiting to be filled with all sorts of stuff that, I mention completely hypothetically and for no reason whatsoever, could get this entire gang sent up for decades." Indeed, it selflessly put itself in a potentially very dangerous situation to build an airtight case against a hardened crew of violent identity thieves who would surely have progressed to harder crimes like armed robbery, murder, and back-alley cat juggling.

And the story doesn't end there, as the crimefighting prowess of iPods worldwide occasionally leads to the toppling of influential drug cartels and white slavery rings. Closer to home, organized squads of bereted "Guardian iPods" patrol the streets and subways of several major cities, while unconfirmed reports of isolated acts of iPod vigilantism continue to pour in, with some pummelled criminals in Gotham City claiming that they had been assaulted while fleeing from the scene of the crime by a first-generation iPod dressed as a bat. More as we hear it, but one thing's for sure: the iPods are on the side of Right. Evildoers beware!