You know what we like best about those guys over at Dell? Their subtlety. Case in point: as faithful viewer discord35 points out, on a page for a new special offer they casually ask you, "Is your iPod battery starting to fade?" You know, like they're concerned or something. And if you happen to answer "yes" (because they're clearly targeting people who don't understand that when they talk to their computer's display, the web page doesn't actually hear them), Dell informs you that instead of shelling out $50 or whatever to replace the battery in your trusty ol' iPod, you should "consider upgrading to a brand new Dell 15 GB DJ." See, all you have to do is blow $199 on a 15 GB Dell Digital Jukebox (think "iPod" but with Dell's internationally renowned sense of style), send them your yucky 'Pod, and they'll send you back a check for a hundred clams. In other words, you get a Dell iPod rip-off for $99 after rebate provided you're willing to give them your iPod in exchange.

Sounds like an outstanding deal, right? Right. We're sure you're just jumping at the chance to "upgrade." Why? Because this is, as Dell itself insists, "A Deal That Rocks!" Want to know exactly how Hard it Rocks? Well, in addition to getting $100 back on a DellPod purchase, you also receive free shipping, 25 free song downloads from the Dell Digital Music Store (oh yeah, there is one of those, isn't there?), and "Microsoft Plus Digital Media Edition Software," whatever the furry heck that is. We especially like how there's no warning whatsoever that the Dell device to which you'd be "upgrading" (too much irony-- the engines canna take much more o' this, Captain!) will be utterly incapable of playing any music you may have purchased at the iTunes Music Store. But that's surely just a minor inconvenience, especially since this is... A Deal That Rocks!

Now, does anyone else smell desperation in the air? Because get this: whereas Dell could clearly sell off all those discarded iPods (and with A Deal That Rocks this hard, you just know they're going to swimming in millions of 'em! Millions, we say!) on eBay, the company actually claims to be "recycling" them instead. Frankly, we hate to imagine what horrible destructive acts for which "recycling" is clearly a euphemism, but in any case, it's obvious that any iPod sent in to Dell's "recycling center" has played its last tune. Dell is apparently taking such a bath on its ill-advised copycat foray into the realm of digital music-- where the iPod and the iTunes Music Store still reign supreme-- that it's actually offering what amounts to a $100 bounty on every iPod it can "recycle" and get off the streets for good. If you can't beat 'em, buy 'em and wreck 'em!

We can't wait to hear how mind-blowingly popular this promotion turns out to be. By the way, given its name, we should note that we can only get down on our knees and give thanks that this promo didn't launch during the "Dude, You're Getting a Dell" days, or we'd surely be pummelled with commercials even more insufferable than the rest of the Dude oeuvre.

You'd almost forgotten about that guy, hadn't you? Oooooh, so close.