Inadvertent Time-Travel Check! Are Hootie and the Blowfish currently dribbling inoffensive rock all over the radio, much to the bland delight of the Timberland set? Is the inexplicably-cast Val Kilmer an unwitting accomplice in turning the Batman franchise into a cinematic bad joke at the hands of Joel Schumacher? Is the far-more-entertaining-than-Batman-Forever O.J. trial finally winding down to its shocker conclusion? No? Okay, cool. We just wanted to make sure we hadn't accidentally slipped nine years into the past, what with PowerBooks once again bursting into flame and all.

Okay, fine, so nothing has actually "burst into flame" as far as we can tell, but it's a slightly more dramatic phrase than "batteries overheating." And it's the same ballpark, which is why faithful viewer Richard Tjoa tipped us off to the embarrassing fact that the specter of the combustible PowerBook 5300 has returned to haunt us all: Apple is recalling some 28,000 PowerBook G4 batteries due to a potentially dangerous overheating problem. (We say "potentially" because while Apple knows of four incidents in which G4 batteries have overheated, no one's wound up in a burn ward yet.)

Visit the page for Apple's catchingly-titled 15-inch PowerBook G4 Battery Exchange Program for the details; as its name suggests, if your 'Book is a 12- or 17-incher, you're in the clear. If you've got a titanium 15-inch model, you should be fine as well, unless perhaps you bought a new battery for it this year. It's the aluminum 15-inchers sold this year that are most likely affected, so if your 'Book fits the bill, check to see if its battery has a model number of A1045 and its serial number begins with HQ404, HQ405, HQ406, HQ407, or HQ408. If so, congratulations-- you're the oh-so-fortunate winner of a free battery, um, "upgrade"! Don't you feel lucky?

If you're a winner, simply fill out Apple's handy web form and the company will send you a less-combustible replacement battery tout de suite; when it arrives, you simply send your old battery back in the same box (once it cools down to a temperature than won't ignite the cardboard) using Apple's prepaid shipping label. No muss, no fuss. Until the replacement arrives, however, Apple strongly recommends that you stop using your existing battery-- just yoink it out of there and run your PowerBook on wall current for a while. If you need some real mobility, may we interest you in our patent-pending invention, the Really Long Extension Cord™?

Note that there's nothing wrong with your PowerBook itself, but strictly with the battery-- which was made by LG Chem Ltd., not Apple, and we're told that LG is footing the bill for this whole exchange program since it's entirely at fault. Of course, that doesn't mean Apple won't get dinged with further concerns about its quality control, whether those concerns are warranted or not. But it probably won't be too bad; we figure most people will cut them a little slack since they'll just be relieved that they didn't fall into an actual time warp back to 1995. After all, an overheating battery is nothing compared to the prospect of having to see that Get Smart series with Andy Dick again.