As the Apple Turns: Scene 4879: "50 CCs Of Credulity, STAT!" (8/24/04)

"50 CCs Of Credulity, STAT!" (8/24/04)

Red alert, people, we've got an emergency here! We never thought it would happen to us, but somehow it seems that both our Skepticism Index and our Common Sense Quotient have risen to dangerously high levels-- levels so high that they endanger our very ability to speculate wildly about upcoming products based on the flimsiest of evidence. Considering that our viewing audience expects a certain amount of crazy product guesswork, we believe the technical term for our problem is "That Ain't Good."

See, it all started a few days ago when we stumbled upon a MacBidouille entry which noted the presence of a couple of noteworthy job openings at Apple's web site. The listings for both positions (hereforth referred to by us as "Hardware System Integrator - iPod" Number One and "Hardware System Integrator - iPod" Number Two) states that for anyone looking to apply, "experience in the following areas is important: [blah blah blah blah] various communication protocols (ie: GSM, Bluetooth, IEEE 802.11, FireWire, and USB) [blah blah blah blah]." And that mention of GSM, Bluetooth, and 802.11 was supposed to be a clue that the next iPod would have some sort of wireless functionality built in.

The thing is, due to our "condition," we never really considered those job listings to be much evidence of a wireless-'net iPod in the offing. We know it's crazy, but when we saw GSM and Bluetooth in that list, we simply assumed that folks in Apple's iPod division have to be conversant with mobile phone wireless technologies because of that whole "iTMS on Motorola cell phones" project. Likewise, when we saw 802.11, we just assumed that the same department works on AirPort Express development. After all, "video and analog integration" in the listing doesn't necessarily mean that the next iPod will be video-enabled, right?

It does? Oh, geez, we're farther gone than we thought.

It's especially weird that we'd have this reaction (or lack of one, rather) because we've mentioned the possibility of upcoming wireless- and video-enabled iPods in the past. Meanwhile, everyone else on the planet (including but not in any way limited to AppleInsider, The Register, MacRumors, and MacMinute) has picked up on the job postings and seems to think they're pretty decent evidence that upcoming 'Pods will be able to stream music directly to AirPort Express units, or double as cell phones, or access the iTunes Music Store directly via a cellular linkup, or something like that. We'd have seen it ourselves if not for this darn hyperskepticism that's ruining our lives.

Well, it all ends here and now; we're simply going to will ourselves credulous again. It might take a while, but we're told that the only medical treatment for the condition involves a series of painful injections under the fingernails and some real torture called "regular exercise," so self-healing seems like a better bet. In the meantime, though, notice that the aforementioned job listings also mention the importance of experience with ATAPI-- clearly this means that future iPods will feature built-in CD-ROM drives and tape backup systems, right?

SceneLink (4879)

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The above scene was taken from the 8/24/04 episode:

August 24, 2004: Apple customers are the most satisfied ones in the industry-- this year, at least. Meanwhile, RealNetworks keeps flailing away while Microsoft prepares its own music download store for launch later this week, and a mention of several wireless technologies in a couple of job listings fuels rampant speculation about future iPod capabilities...

Other scenes from that episode:

4877: Satisfaction Guaranteed (8/24/04) Hey, are you satisfied? Because apparently the odds are pretty good that you are. See, you're tuned into an Apple-flavored online soap opera right now, and unless you're here because you're looking for good prices on "applet urns" (our condolences on the passing and subsequent cremation of your favorite Java applet if you are), that strongly implies that you're a user of Apple's products and/or services...
4878: iTMS Threat O' The Week (8/24/04) Sure, the iTunes Music Store may be on top now, but if you're a longtime Apple fan, the idea of the company holding the highest market share in any product or service category seems, well, completely and utterly unnatural to you...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


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