Man, did we say that the gloves are off? Because we didn't even realize just how right we were. Oh, sure, we knew that once it got its new music download service off the ground, Microsoft would be its usual insufferable self by flat-out lying to the press about how they're the first "to finally bring digital music to the masses" and claiming that "the Apple effort didn't really change what [it] would have done." And we also expected Apple, in its unfamiliar role as Top Dog, to get a little flustered and fall into a defensive position, since that's exactly what it did when all that RealNetworks-sponsored "Freedom of iPod-Hacking Choice" hit the proverbial fan. What we didn't expect was for the trash talk to get so downright nasty.

Check it out: a MacMinute article describes the statement that Apple apparently sent around to any media outlet that might listen, in which "Apple makes it clear what the score is in the digital music industry"-- specifically, 125,000,000 to 0. And Apple doesn't think Redmond will catch up anytime soon, in part because "Microsoft's music store currently offers only half the songs and is missing many features," says Apple. Okay, true dat, although it is just a beta, so more features will no doubt come in time, and Microsoft says it'll have at least as many songs as the iTMS in its catalog by next month. "But its biggest problem may be that its downloaded songs do not play on iPod, iPod mini, or the Apple iPod from HP-- the world's most popular digital music players with over 50% market share... The iTunes Music Store is currently selling over 16 million songs per month (a rate of 200 million songs per year). How many songs will Microsoft's new online music store sell during its first month?" Good points, one and all, but it comes off as just a little desperate, don't you think?

Especially since Bill Gates is calmly scoring major points off of Steve Jobs, albeit slimily while the Stevester is still off on medical leave nursing a post-surgical pancreas and unable to defend himself. Here's how it went down: faithful viewer The Professor dished us a CNET article which raises the debate over whether or not portable video is worth a hill of beans. Apple, you may recall, says it isn't, because unlike music, you can't enjoy portable video while you do other things, and watching movies on a teensy LCD screen blows chunks anyway. Microsoft, on the other hand, thinks portable video will be the bee's knees, and is investing a lot in its Portable Media Center architecture. And here's how Bill did the damage: "Ask kids in the back of a car on a two-hour trip, 'Hey, would you like to have your videos there?' My kids would. I guess Steve's kids just listen to Bach and Mozart. But mine, they want to watch Finding Nemo. I don't know who made that, but it's really a neat movie."

Now, whether or not you accept the whole "kids need DVDs on long car trips" argument as valid or not, there's no denying that with those comments, Billy-boy scored what can only be described as a "righteous burn." We know it's officially Wildly Off-Topic Microsoft-Bashing Day and all, but c'mon, you have to give Bill credit for that one, even though in polite society it's generally considered poor form to zing recovering cancer patients behind their backs. But hey, he's the richest guy in the world and he's gonna do what he wants.

So will Steve or Bill wind up with the last laugh? Personally, we have no idea how it'll all turn out. We expect the iTMS to blow the doors off of Microsoft's copycat entry for at least a year or two, but after that the fight is simply Quality vs. Quantity (guess which is which) and in this world, it's anyone's game. As for video, following an initial rush by cash-flush gadget nerds, sales of Portable Media Centers will either crater or explode, depending entirely on whether the average shmoe is willing to lug around a $500 device that's only slightly smaller and lighter than the original 1993 Newton MessagePad just so they can watch Fear Factor on a screen only a wee bit bigger than a camcorder's LCD while riding the subway. (At that size, will we even be able to see the chunks in the squid ink?) We'll see what the market has to say.