Just a quickie, here, folks, because our wrists are about to burst into flame or turn back into pumpkins or do whatever it is they do when the warranty on carpal tunnels expires. If, like us, you don't happen to live anywhere near one of Apple's new retail mini-stores and you're trying to soak up as much vicarious experience as you can, there's a charming little article on the boutiques over at AppleInsider penned by Gary Allen of the all-knowing, all-seeing ifo Apple Store. The specific bit that intrigued us is the revelation that each location apparently boasts "two self-service check-out stations about half-way back into the store, mounted in either wall."

You know the concept because you've probably encountered the exact same thing at your local major-franchise grocery store: grab your gear, slap it under a bar code scanner, swipe your choice of plastic money, and go. It's kinda like ordering online in that it's still commerce with zero human interaction, but unfortunately you don't get to remain sedentary. Still, one out of two ain't bad, and at least you get instant gratification without having to talk to anybody, so misanthropes the world over applaud the whole paradigm. At least, we think they would, if we could get any of them to talk to us about it.

The main reason this whole "self check-out" thing strikes us as so interesting is because it connects the dots nicely between Apple's original retail store concept and the forthcoming third tier of the company's overall retail strategy, which AtAT sources briefed us about a few weeks back: Apple vending machines. That's right, kiddies; just as the mini-stores let Apple establish a presence in smaller malls and airports where the full-size format stores could never fit, Apple's forthcoming vending machines will allow Apple to reach shoppers in venues formerly off-limits to computer retailers, like hospital waiting rooms, subway platforms, and truck-stop restrooms.

Word has it that they'll stock a full complement of iPods and minis, 12-inch iBooks and PowerBooks, selected accessories, specially-packaged software titles, and-- inexplicably-- eMacs with cinder blocks chained to their cases. The machines will also sell bottled Evian water (at Steve Jobs's insistence) and will bring Apple a tidy profit on third-party offerings like USB flash drives, digital cameras, and unbreakable plastic combs. No word on when we'll see these things start to appear, but reportedly there are still a few bugs to work out; so far they don't take credit cards, the dollar bill slot's always broken, and these days not many people are walking around with 996 quarters just in case they get the urge to buy an iPod mini. But maybe these machines will change all that. Mental note: buy pants with deeper pockets.