Speaking of delusional megalomaniacs talking smack about outselling Apple in the digital music realm, do you happen to recall back in November when Sim Wong Hoo (the CEO of rival portable music player manufacturer Creative Technology) "declared war" on the iPod? You could just about hear the lil' guy's saber go rattle-rattle-rattle as he pledged to sink $100 million into serious advertising for his company's Zen and Nomad players, with the intent of unseating Apple from the top sales spot by the end of 2004. We know what you're thinking: mid-November is an awfully late time to be undertaking such a monumental year-end goal, but hey, Sim Wong Hoo claimed that Creative was on track to sell "over 3 million devices" in the December quarter, which he figured would vault the company into the lead. He would then perch mightily on his warlord throne, trying to decide whether Steve Jobs's head on a pike would look better next to the coffee table, or over there in the corner in place of the ficus.

There's just one little problem with Creative's whole "we're going to overtake Apple" plan: selling 3 million players wouldn't have done it-- not by a long shot. Sure, Apple "only" sold 2 million iPods in the third calendar quarter, so maybe it was a reasonable assumption, but as you're all well aware, by the time the dust had settled and all that remained of the holiday shopping season was a body count and a fine red mist hanging in the air, consumers had scooped up 4.5 million iPods of various shapes, sizes, and colors for themselves and their loved ones. So, far from overtaking Apple, Creative sales of 3 million would have hardly put the teensiest ding in Apple's solid worldwide lead.

Actually, make that two problems: as it turns out, whether or not sales of 3 million Zens 'n' Nomads would have popped Creative into first place over Apple is sort of a moot point, because Creative didn't even come close to selling that many units last quarter anyway. According to The Register, when Creative posted its quarterly earnings last week, it was forced to admit that it had, in fact, only sold 2 million players in the holiday quarter. Not only was that number far too few to knock Apple out of the top spot, but it was also few enough that Apple extended its lead over Creative; in the previous quarter Apple had sold 70 percent more players than Creative, but last quarter that jumped to 125 percent. So Creative is losing ground, not gaining it. (Apparently no one ever told Sim Wong Hoo never to fight a land war in Asia.)

Perhaps most troubling of all (well, not to us, we guess, but still) is that, six weeks from the end of the quarter, Creative's CEO actually overestimated the company's unit shipments-- to the press, no less-- by a full 50 percent, which is a forecasting blunder the likes of which we haven't seen since the depths of Apple's Amelio Dynasty. If Sim Wong Hoo's aim is that crappy, we can certainly understand if Apple isn't taking that whole "declaration of war" thing too seriously; after all, this is evidently a guy who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if it were glued to both barrels.