Meanwhile, we were maintaining radio silence last week when Apple announced its most recent battery recall, but we figured our absence wasn't that big a deal, since you could always just watch the AtAT rerun from last August's recall, right? After all, the circumstances were nearly identical; for both programs, Apple is "voluntarily recalling certain lithium ion rechargeable batteries" that "were manufactured by LG Chem, Ltd. of South Korea" because they "could overheat, posing a fire hazard." Sure, minor details vary, such as which portables were affected and how many reports Apple had received of affected batteries going Firestarter in the field, but generally speaking, the two recalls are practically one and the same. So we figured you could just watch the scene from the previous recall and you'd be all set.

Unfortunately, after a quick dig through the reruns, it seems clear to us that we were off the air back then, too. Whoops. Funny how that works.

Anyway, it's just as well, since we're actually pretty bitter about the whole recall thing. PowerBook battery recalls happen all the time; we can remember several since the Great Flaming 5300 Fiasco of the mid-'90s. And what about AC adapter recalls? Those suckers get pulled back in more often than a fishing net on overtime. So how is it that, despite having owned half a dozen Apple portables over the course of the past decade, we haven't been affected by a single one of these recalls? Hasn't it ever occurred to Apple that maybe we'd like to be included for once? Oh, how we long to experience the giddy thrill of sending in potentially incendiary equipment and receiving shiny, new replacements in the mail for free! But alas, no; apparently Apple continues to sell us products that probably won't burn down our compound while we sleep. Jerks.

And if we aren't going to be included (we swear, it's like being picked last in gym class all over again), the very least Apple could do is start issuing battery recalls for some sort of defect that isn't related to the risk of fire. What's wrong with a little variety for once? How about a run of iBook batteries that get recalled because they infect users with a virulent strain of cholera? Or PowerBook batteries that need to be exchanged because they're possessed by vengeful spirits that make blood drip from the screens and eventually devour the users' souls, leaving them empty husks condemned to wander the earth forever devoid of humanity? Seems to us like there's an endless string of possibilities. Fire hazard, shmire hazard; show a little originality, guys.

Anyway, back in the real world, DigiTimes surmises that this second recall of LG Chem-built PowerBook batteries in less than a year may hamper the company's "ability to secure more Apple orders" (ya think?), while sending Apple scurrying to other battery sources like DynaPack International or Simplo Technology. Maybe one of those manufacturers knows how to screw up a battery in new and creative ways for our own personal amusement. Fingers crossed!