94% Pure Java (3/21/98)
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The nightmare just never ends for Java. The latest blow comes from Hewlett-Packard, who, rather than license Sun's Java virtual machine for embedded systems, decided instead to build their own from the ground up and license it to others at a lower price than Sun charges for the "official" version. Information Week has the news.

Why is this a problem? First of all, Sun gets less money. That doesn't mean a thing to most of us, but we're sure Sun's less than thrilled about it. Secondly, HP admits that their implementation (which they're calling "Java compliant" but not "Java compatible" to avoid legal action) provides "extended APIs" that essentially breaks the Java "write once run anywhere" standard. So much for the dream...

Unsurprisingly, the first licensee of this non-Java Java is-- you guessed it-- Microsoft, who wants to use HP's virtual machine in the Windows CE operating system. After introducing the great schism in Java on the desktop, they're only too happy to sponsor its corruption in embedded systems, as well. Sad to say, but it's really starting to look like Java's ship has sailed, at least as far as compatibility issues go.

 
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors
 

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 3/21/98 episode:

March 21, 1998: Mac the Knife's had one too many during his Seybold jaunt in NYC, and is hallucinating $20 G3's. Meanwhile, Microsoft sponsors HP's latest move to contaminate Java in embedded systems, and there's a sweet quad-G3 system available for $4500, but you have to give up your favorite OS to use it...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 555: Cheaper Than Paint (3/21/98)   Not that we want to impugn Mac the Knife's sobriety (as if that were humanly possible), but we strongly suspect that the edged implement sampled one too many of the local colorful delicacies during his Seybold trip to New York...

  • 557: Dreaming Again (3/21/98)   Quick little fantasy bit: Next time you're sitting around daydreaming about the Mac you'd like sitting on your desk, consider a system sporting four 300 MHz G3 processors, each with a 1 MB backside cache, running on a 100 MHz system bus with 66 MHz PCI Ultra II SCSI, an 8MB graphics card, and fast ethernet...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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