The Big Split (3/29/98)
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Psssst, hey buddy, c'mere. Wanna know why Microsoft is unstoppable, and the feds have no chance to stop the juggernaut? Then check out this ABCNEWS article and witness the future. The author makes some good points about how Microsoft stands to gain a bundle by subdividing itself into several business units that each have their own room to grow.

While few concepts scare us quite as much as the continued spread of Microsoft into every nook and cranny of everyday life, that fact looks to be inevitable, as Microsoft could stop the government's current proceedings in a heartbeat by splitting into Microsoft Operating Systems, Microsoft Applications, Microsoft Media, and who knows what else. As the author points out, AT&T pulled this off not once, but twice-- first in 1984 when it split off its local phone businesses, and then again just a couple of years ago when it spun off Lucent Technologies. Lucent has continued to grow and remains very profitable for its stockholders. There's no particular reason that Microsoft couldn't do the same.

Now, we're not saying that the article is necessarily right, but you've got to admit, it makes a lot of sense. There's no way that Microsoft is going to let itself be forcibly decimated into teeny chunks that wither and die. It's much more likely that Microsoft will voluntarily divide into self-sufficient units that will continue to grow and dominate. In this "Sorceror's Apprentice" scenario, the feds are Mickey and Microsoft's the broom. Now sleep tight. ;-)

 
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors
 

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 3/29/98 episode:

March 29, 1998: In its continuing quest to capture just the right mixture of whimsy and controversy in its ads, Apple signs up the Dalai Lama. Meanwhile, Microsoft engineers fix the ugly bug in the "Remove Office 98" application, as the higher-ups consider just when would be the best time to split into separate unstoppable amoeboid entities...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 578: Hello Dalai (3/29/98)   Since the media ruckus surrounding Apple advertising had mostly shifted away from their controversial use of famous historical figures and towards their controversial public toasting of the Intel Pentium II processor, evidently Apple decided it was time to divert attention towards the famous figures again...

  • 579: Tech Support Nightmare (3/29/98)   A few days ago we mentioned the nasty bug that had cropped up in one of the applications shipping with Microsoft Office 98, which would actually delete your whole System Folder in certain situations. Well, not long afterwards, Microsoft posted a update for that particular "Remove Office 98" problem, which you've no doubt heard about from several sources by now if you're an Office user who needed the fix. The thing that struck a chord with us, though, was reading in a Computer Reseller News article that Microsoft discovered the bug by instructing customers to run the utility in order to remove Office 98 to remedy other, considerably less serious, bugs with the software...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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