Just Decaf, Thanks (7/3/98)
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For those of you who thought we were kidding when we mentioned that Microsoft had paid off Starbucks to spike the U.S. caffeinated coffee supply with special blandness-inducing drugs intended to bolster the demand for mediocre software like Windows 98, we can only pity your naïveté. Heck, why do you think Apple deep-sixed the whole "Apple Café" idea? If you thought it was only because it was a half-assed idea, you're missing the big picture. Faithful viewer Joshua Finto knows the real score, though, as he relates just how brazen the Great Coffee Conspiracy has gotten lately:

Just thought that you guys might be interested in something going on down here in Texas. I was at the local Borders Books, and to my utter amazement I saw the featured coffee blend of the day was "Windows 98 Blend." It would seem that upon speaking with one of the managers, this was actually Microsoft's "brillant" idea. YUCK!
Brilliant, indeed-- it's only a matter of time before this whole coffee-crazed country becomes ensnared in Microsoft's diabolical web of mediocrity. And you thought Microsoft was only contaminating Sun's Java.

 
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The above scene was taken from the 7/3/98 episode:

July 3, 1998: Apple's (yawn) cutting more jobs, this time at its Cork plant, as it sells off its PCB operations. Meanwhile, rumors of six-slot pro Power Macs persist, despite word from inside Apple that four's the limit, and Microsoft gets positively upfront about its plan to contaminate Java...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 828: You Say Goodbye (7/3/98)   Hey, it wouldn't be Apple without downsizing, right? Apple's manufacturing plant in Cork, Ireland will trim 150 jobs from its roster, following Apple's sale of its printed circuit board business to Singapore manufacturer Natsteel...

  • 829: Leave It To The Pros (7/3/98)   Rumors continue to fly as to the exact nature and time frame of Apple's upcoming "Pro" G3 Power Macs. We had heard a lot of buzz recently about a six-PCI-slot G3 minitower to be announced at next week's MacWorld Expo, and available shortly thereafter...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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