Chalk up another day sans new Power Macs-- also known as another day of cannibalized pro desktop sales. At least, we assume there's a lot of that going on, as customers weigh the benefits of a $1799 iMac-- 800 MHz G4, SuperDrive, integrated 15-inch LCD display-- against the slower, SuperDriveless, displayless $1699 733 MHz Power Mac and make the obvious choice. (Not that we're complaining, mind you; the longer Apple waits to revise the Power Mac line, the longer our dual-800 MHz system gets to enjoy that special feeling of being the top of the heap. Woo-hoo!!)

So, in lieu of getting to discuss the latest and greatest PowerPC chips to emerge from the hallowed halls of Motorola, we're forced to settle for analyzing the only other product that company pumps out that happens to be relevant to our little show, here-- namely, buckets and buckets of corporate angst. When last we checked in on this front a month ago, Motorola had added yet another 9,400 layoffs to its cost-cutting measures, raising the grand total to a staggering 48,400 pink slips doled out since August of 2000. If fact, we busted out the calculator, and we estimate that if all those slips were formed into a giant papier-mâché ball, it would be exactly "one honkin' enormous pink ball" in size. Fun facts from the world of science!

The latest in Motorola's recovery saga, however, leaves the giddy world of layoffs briefly and instead focuses on the equally thrilling realm of plant closings. Faithful viewer ThatGuy sent us a Reuters article which notes that, as part of the restructuring announced last month, the company plans to shut down four more of its fourteen remaining semiconductor plants over the course of the next year or so-- one wafer fabrication plant and three assembly test plants. Toss those in with the four plants Motorola already closed last year, and we're looking at a near-50% reduction.

We can only speculate about what these closings might mean for PowerPC production and Apple's chip needs, but we're going to go out on a limb and announce our gut feeling that "it ain't good." Those of you still clinging to hopes of G5s by Seybold may want to amend those predictions accordingly, or at least make sure you're adequately prepared psychically for what just might turn out to be a mondo letdown...

Unconfirmed it may be, but that doesn't make it any less terrifying: faithful viewer Perplexed in Pomona tells us of a rumor at SF Gate that's sure to have you clenching things that, in mixed company, you probably otherwise wouldn't. Basically, it goes like this: somebody working on an upcoming Pixar documentary claims to have snuck a peek at the CEO's desk, and let's just say that His Steveness isn't racking up any style points in Emeryville for his alleged choice of silicon accoutrements. To put it bluntly, the confounder and savior of Apple reportedly has a decidedly non-Mac personal computer on his desk.

Granted, Pixar ain't Apple; indeed, last May (as in, after the release of the UNIX-based Mac OS X) word got out that Pixar was migrating to Linux workstations-- from what, we're not entirely sure, but you can bet that they sure weren't Macs. And while we've always admired Steve's ability to keep his roles at Apple and Pixar separate and distinct (not counting little things like bundling A Bug's Life DVDs with iMacs and launching the original "Think different" commercial during the broadcast television premiere of Toy Story), somehow we'd always hoped that he'd at least draw the line at sticking a Wintel box on his own desk.

Actually, "Wintel" is presumably the wrong term altogether, since we personally refuse to accept the possibility that Steve Jobs-- even in a strictly Pixarian capacity-- would be able to suppress his natural sense of taste to a degree necessary to use Windows voluntarily on a regular basis. We're forced to assume that if the rumor is true, Steve's running either Linux or an ancient copy of NextStep (as he used to run on an x86 laptop for much of his second tenure at Apple's helm, prior to Mac OS X's release). If he is using Windows, we're not sure whether to be awed by his mental flexibility and strong stomach or just totally grossed out by the whole concept. To us, at least, the only thing worse than using Windows ourselves is the thought of Steve using Windows. It's like a crime against all that is fundamentally good and right in the universe.

The worst is yet to come, however; care to take a guess at whose logo graces the front of Steve's alleged x86 system? Here's a hint: it rhymes with "hell," and for good reason. That's right, kiddies; word has it that the lump of plastic and silicon on Steve's desk at Pixar was made by none other than Dell. We should stress once again that this rumor was passed along as "unconfirmed," but nevertheless, while most of us are struggling to keep our lunches down, we can think of one CEO with a Steve complex who's probably weeping tears of joy at the mere mention of the possibility. Hey, as long as someone's happy, right?

Regular viewers are no doubt aware that sometimes we have to make our own fun around here; occasionally reality deals us a serious dearth of that sweet, life-giving drama that we all need to survive and thrive, so we're forced to manufacture it where none exists. Such is the sordid life of a drama addict, extracting whatever miserable scraps of controversy and excitement we can mine from tidbits we find floating through the ether and artificially inflating them to a level capable of sustaining our voracious habits. (We've considered rehab, but it's pretty expensive, and we hear the Betty Ford Center doesn't have TiVo. What's up with that?)

Every once in a while, though, reality throws us a bone. Sometimes we stumble upon a true story so chock-full of drama and excitement that absolutely no embellishment is necessary to sate our massive appetites. So Steve bless faithful viewer scubus for kicking us one such story documented in epistolary form over at MacScripter. Check it out; it's a series of posts culled from UseNet that details how one Mac user, with the help of fellow scripters across the globe, managed to use AppleScript and Timbuktu Pro remote control software to recover a poor, hapless iMac that was stolen in a burglary. Thrills! Spills! Scary code that deletes files with reckless abandon! What more could a drama field ever want?

While we strongly recommend reading through the whole unabridged story for maximum dramatic impact (eat your heart out, Tom Clancy!), here's the Reader's Digest version: the thieves were unaware that the plundered iMac was running Timbuktu, which registered itself with a centralized server whenever it was connected to the Internet, allowing the rightful owner's brother to locate it virtually and upload AppleScript files that destroyed the sensitive personal data stored on the hard drive. Better still, eventually the cybersleuth was able to replace the iMac's AOL prefs in such a way that whenever the miscreant attempted to dial in, the iMac would actually call the original owner's phone-- which had Caller ID.

Once the police were armed with the unlisted number from where the calls were originating, they were able to recover the stolen iMac and printer and return them to their rightful owner. The, ahem, "temporary custodian" of said burgled goods "pled out to possession of stolen property and got a year's probation." Snif... Don't you just love happy endings?