Security breach, Sector 7! The only people who are ever genuinely surprised to hear about security holes in Microsoft software are the same type of people who are shocked when they don't win the lottery. Every week. When they don't even buy tickets. In other words, reports of security flaws in Internet Explorer or Windows 2000 are almost as regular as the changing seasons-- and generally far more frequent. (You'll forgive us if we don't back up these sweeping generalizations with concrete evidence and specific examples-- we're not that kind of show.)

So the fact that the latest Microsoft-related security news cranked our eyebrows up a couple of notches is at least noteworthy, if not downright impressive. According to The Wall Street Journal, hacker or hackers unknown not only managed to break into Microsoft's corporate network, but also seem to have stolen the holy grail of proprietary software: the source code for Windows and Office. Microsoft seems to be denying that the latter case is true, declining comment beyond the blanket statement of "we are confident that the integrity of Microsoft source code remains secure." But what if the source code was stolen? The potential ramifications are extreme.

For one thing, since nobody knows who (possibly) stole the code, nobody knows why the code was stolen. Microsoft seems to think it's a case of corporate espionage. Others surmise that it's all part of some "data hostage" scheme in which the perpetrators will demand ransom or else they'll release the source code to the public. One thing's almost certain, though-- this isn't the work of some kids who hacked into Microsoft just for the "Hey, Ma, Look At Me!" effect. Apparently those responsible have had access to the company's internal network for three months now, with nary a peep from the perps. These guys were after something specific, and they had a reason for what they did.

Now, is it just us, or does anyone else have this wonderful mental image of Apple's iCEO (a man known to pull a dirty trick or two in business) desperately trying to destroy the evidence like Matthew Broderick in Wargames after he saw his hack on the news? This is Spinning Fruit to Mercurial Boy, come in Mercurial Boy: your operatives have been detected. Abort Operation Broken Windows immediately. Purge all files pertaining to the initiative, swallow your 384-bit key, and eliminate those in the know. We repeat, they are coming for you. Grab those negotiable securities and fuel up the jet.

While Big, Evil Hackers are busy extracting source code from Microsoft's slipping grasp, some of their lesser brethren are cheerily heaping insult onto injury. According to The Register, someone's been screwing with the company's InterNIC entry. As of broadcast time, Microsoft's record still included such simple truths as "MICROSOFT.COM IS SECRETLY RUN BY ILLUMINATI TERRORISTS," "MICROSOFT.COM INSPIRES COPYCAT WANNABE SUBVERSIVES," AND "MICROSOFT.COM HAS NO LINUXCLUE." (Okay, so that last one is less a "simple truth" and more of a malformed conundrum, but hey, what do you want from a guy signing his work as "HACKERJACK," sonnets and villanelles?)

We mention this not as part of some half-assed "All-Microsoft Hack Day" on AtAT, but rather because it further hints at some suspicious connections between the havoc in Redmond and our hearty protagonists down Cupertino way. Our original supposition of Cap'n Steve's potential involvement with the Microsoft source code theft originated from nothing more than our own overactive imaginations. But following the vandalism of Microsoft's InterNIC record, we can't help but wonder at the significance of a similar number done on Apple's entry, which, when last we checked, still said "APPLE.COM IS THE CHOICE OF ALL SELF RESPECTING TERRORISTS."

While there's no "HACKERJACK" signature on the Apple record, we find the style unmistakably recognizable. But what does this all mean? Does it clear Apple of any involvement in Microsoft's more serious security breach-- or was this lesser hack simply engineered by Apple itself, in a bald attempt to throw the feds off the scent by casting itself as "just another victim"? Aye, those Cupertino villains are a wily bunch indeed. Sounds like Steve may be flying the ol' pirate flag again in private.

Here we are, a mere week and a half away from election day-- and given the closeness of the Presidential race (Frick and Frack are neck and neck, obviously thanks to Uncle Steve's decision not to run, seeing as he'd obviously be in first place by a mile), this is the point at which desperation sets in, otherwise staid and civilized candidates get down and dirty, and the mud starts a-flyin'. But until the top guns start embarrassing themselves publicly by stooping to flustered personal attacks, we'll just have to amuse ourselves with the theatrical antics of candidates in a lesser contest: the Senate race. Here's the relevance you're all looking for: how do you suppose Apple feels about Green Party candidate Medea Benjamin having cribbed the "Think different" slogan for her own campaign?

It's true! Faithful viewer Matthew Guerrieri turned us on to a San Francisco Chronicle article about the whole sordid affair. Nader's Green Party may well be the choice of Mac users striving to "think different," but we're not entirely certain that radio ads about the opposition's use of hair care products was the sort of thing that Steve and Chiat-Day had in mind. Ms. Benjamin's latest ad jokingly poses as a news broadcast, in which an announcer reports that "the hole in the ozone layer has doubled in size due to all the hair spray used by Senator Dianne Feinstein over many, many years." And while we don't have any real problem with that sort of personal attack during an election season (hey, the mudslinging's the only really fun part), we have to wonder how Steve's handling Ms. Benjamin's new campaign slogan: "Think different. No, really think different. Vote Green. Vote Medea Benjamin for Senate."

Da noive a' some people! But at least Ms. Benjamin isn't claiming to have come up with the slogan herself; on the contrary, "Benjamin aides openly admit they lifted that slogan from the Apple campaign." Evidently they feel justified since it's all for the greater good. In any event, regardless of your own political leanings, Steve's recent endorsement of Algor over Nader now seems all that much more appropriate, doesn't it?