Say, remember a couple of months ago when IBM mentioned its plans to start shipping 90-nanometer processors by the end of the calendar year? And remember how we fomented a rabid wild-eyed frenzy of violent anticipation among our viewers by blithely and irresponsibly leading you to assume that said year-end 90-nanometer chips would include updated G5s that would propel the Power Mac ever deeper into its current role as the darling of the tech set? Well, um... never mind.

That was just... that was a typo. Yeah. That's it.

Not that G5s won't hit 90 nanometers at some point, of course, so don't go bludgeoning yourself with the Disappointment Stick, or anything. It's just that the "end of the year" thing isn't really playing out the way we'd hoped. It turns out that IBM is slated to discuss 90-nanometer G5s at the IEEE International Solid State Circuits Conference in mid-February, and chipmakers at those shindigs generally talk about their coolest, most cutting-edge technology (translation: "stuff we haven't shipped yet and probably won't ship for a while"), so when Uncle Steve starts pulling surprises out of his hat at January's Macworld Expo, the odds are pretty good that 90-nanometer G5s won't be among them.

However, there's still plenty to grin about in that manic and unsettling manner that keeps people from sitting next to you on the bus. AppleInsider reports that there still might be a Power Mac speed bump in January, with processors running at speeds as high as 2.5 GHz-- albeit in the same old 130 nanometer flavor. What's more, IBM's 90-nanometer G5s ought to ship really soon after the ISSCC gig, so we can expect "second generation Power Mac G5 units" (the G2 G5?) "by early March of next year." And if you're a just a little too pessimistic and/or reasonable to believe that Apple would ship a new Power Mac just two months after a significant speed bump, well, AppleInsider does leave the door open for dual-2.5 GHz G5s to hold off appearing until March's big product rev. Besides, what's a couple more months to slavering Mac fans? The dual-2.0 GHz G5 is still plenty competitive with the fastest personal computers the competition has to offer-- and after the Motorola G4 years, frankly, we can do two months standing on our heads.

Incidentally, if big, hulking slabs of perforated aluminum sitting stationary on a desk don't get your motor running, there's good news for your inner road warrior, too: as pointed out by faithful viewer Josef Schneider, The Register notes that IBM's 90-nanometer G5 presentation at ISSCC will include discussion of that chip's new "PowerTune" technology, which can automatically scale the processor's voltage and dial down its clock speed for power-saving purposes-- and if a smaller-process chip with built-in power management functions isn't one Gigantor step closer to the holy grail of a PowerBook G5, we don't know what is. March ahoy!

Uh-oh, there goes Apple, "drawing ire" again. It's no secret that third-party Apple resellers and service providers have had a lot to complain about in recent years as far as policies from the Mothership are concerned; indeed, many of them point to signs that Apple wants them all to quit and go away, leaving the entire market for itself-- signs like increasingly-unreasonable reseller contracts, Apple's own online and retail stores seemingly getting first dibs on high-demand new products, and Steve Jobs turning up to reseller meetings wearing a t-shirt that says "WE WISH YOU'D ALL QUIT AND GO AWAY." Still not convinced? Then wait 'til you hear what's allegedly going on with Power Mac G5 repairs...

Here's the thing: according to Think Secret, when a service center replaces any of a number of specified parts in a G5 in the course of a repair, it also has to replace the entire aluminum enclosure-- the parts in question are "not separate, orderable parts" and only come with the perforated aluminum itself. That wouldn't be so irksome if not for the fact that some of those "separate, orderable parts" are such piddling little things as "hard drive cables" and "rear panel latches." In other words, a service center allegedly needs to swap out the entire freakin' enclosure just to replace a bad IDE ribbon cable. Go figure.

So far the story is more bizarre than upsetting, but wait, because here's the punch line: by some freakish oversight (or an "accident" as dictated by the aforementioned anti-reseller conspiracy), the enclosure is reportedly "not covered under Apple's AppleCare warranty," at least as far as the service center is concerned; while the customer gets his new ribbon cable (and whole new enclosure) for free under standard warranty coverage, the service center reportedly has to pay $475 for each enclosure, or "work with Apple on a case-by-case basis to obtain an exception." Apple reportedly justifies not covering certain service parts under the standard warranty because they're "not necessary for normal operation." Now, we don't know for sure, but we wouldn't mind going out on a limb just this once and assuming that running a G5 sans enclosure constitutes a technical no-no-- even though it might look kinda cool, in a dirty Wintel Frankensteiny kind of way.

Now, we really have no idea if any of this is true or not, since we've only seen it reported by Think Secret, but in our experience those guys have a pretty solid track record with this sort of thing. Perhaps there's some technical, non-conspiracy-related reason why a ribbon cable replacement should necessitate a $475 enclosure swap-out, but we're at a loss. Our pet theory right now is that someone working on the assembly line lost a contact lens and Apple instituted this policy to get as many enclosures back as possible to try to find it for him. (The guy has a really strong union.)

On another note, does anyone else find it intriguing that if you know a tech you can apparently buy a Power Mac G5 aluminum enclosure from a service center for under 500 clams? If you're the arts-and-crafts type, we bet you could turn one into a swell spice rack!

Oh, sure, there's a lot of stuff going on right now that's far more important and on-topic than what we're about to discuss, but if you don't hear it from us, you may not hear it at all-- and that'd be a crime. So brace yourselves, kiddies, because the Battle of the Billionaire Crappy Dancers is heating up down Redmond way, and things will get ugly before this is all over. And trust us: given the players in this particular little drama, we do mean ugly.

A faithful viewer whose identity we'll protect (let's just call him "Stevie-B") forwarded us a remarkable story in the Las Vegas Sun: reportedly two-year-old security camera footage has surfaced which depicts Emperor Bill Gates living it up in L.V.'s own "The Beach" nightclub, dancing with a woman who is not his wife Melinda and "groping a cocktail waitress" in the hinder area. While there's a chance that it wasn't Bill but rather a lookalike, a Sun business reporter "who has covered Gates for years" believes that it's definitely him, based on "several mannerisms" caught on tape. Also, a source reportedly identified the men escorting the potential Gatesalike out of the club as Bill's bodyguards.

Now, your first reaction may well be outrage that the married Mr. Bill was out frolicking with unMelindas and getting grabby with the help, and that's a perfectly healthy response. On the other hand, you might instead see Bill's actions as a harmless night out, perhaps even with a visiting cousin-- who knows? And as for the alleged groping incident, all that really tells us is that Bill plans to run for governor someday. No matter, because it's all just background to the real crime here, anyway-- namely, Bill's public display of a lack of rhythm so profound that the angels themselves did weep. And vomit. And experience mild seizures.

Reportedly the tape shows Bill as he "wildly throws his arms in the air, spins indiscriminately and gyrates his hips in sync with his dance partner," and the Sun wisely omits any still or video footage out of concern for the cardiac and digestive health of its readership, opting only to note that "Elaine Benes would have been proud."

So, first we had Ballmer's onstage Monkeyboy dance, and now there's allegedly footage of Gates tripping the light barftastic. Why do we get the feeling that to be a Microsoft billionaire, it's not your soul you have to sell, but rather your sense of rhythm? (Then again, what's the difference?)