It was inevitable, really. We'd all absorbed so much buildup about rumored Apple portable updates for so long that when it all finally reached a climax on Wednesday with the dramatic release of the new iBooks and PowerBooks, it's as if the actualization of a sub-$1000 consumer portable and DVD-burning on the go was so heavy it collapsed in upon itself-- thus creating a black hole of Mac-related news with a gravitational field so dense only fluff pieces and shareware updates can escape. As a result, the Mac community now finds itself rattling around in a news vacuum that, well, kinda sucks.

Want to know just how far this news vacuum extends? Try all the way to the hallowed halls of One Infinite Loop itself, at least if Apple's latest press release is any reasonable indication. "Apple to Participate in Macworld San Francisco 2003," it declares-- which, while it's undoubtedly good news, isn't actually news in the sense of Man Bites Dog. Anyone ignorant of the whole sordid mess in which Apple petulantly refused to attend the East Coast Macworld Expo now that it's moving from New York back to Boston already took it for granted that Apple would still be attending the SF shindig. And any Mac fans obsessive enough to have heard about IDG World Expo alpha dog Charlie Greco's wacky threat to ban Apple from the West Coast show unless the company agreed also to show up in Boston are also obsessive enough to know that said threat was rescinded so quickly it almost got taken back before it was made in the first place.

Still, just because it isn't quite news doesn't mean it's not reassuring. And if you were on pins and needles about who might be delivering the keynote address at the show, brace yourselves-- it's gonna be Steve Jobs! Granted, this revelation comes as slightly less of a shock than it was a month ago, but hey, reassurances generally aren't graded on their shock value. Plus, there is some actual news on the keynote front. There'll be a second presentation called "The Power of X" on Wednesday, January 8th, but it's not a second Stevenote-- this one's being handled by Phil "Thankyuhverruhmuch" Schiller, and AtAT sources hint that he'll be dressing as Vegas Elvis in honor of The King's birthday. Who knows? If you show up early enough to sit up front, maybe you'll come away from the show with a sweat-soaked satin scarf.

By the way, if you were wondering, yes, "Apple and IDG are still in discussions" about whether or not Apple will ever attend another East Coast show. Next week: the lull continues, as Apple calls a press conference to announce that Steve Jobs is still CEO, the headquarters is still in Cupertino, water is still wet, and (for some reason) Bill Gates still has that haircut. Stay tuned!

Heads up, folks: as part of its commendable quest for constant self-improvement, Apple continues to make changes to its retail page. We only warn you to prevent you from suffering a crippling wave of disorientation (or worse, a massive coronary) the next time you visit the site. What can we say? Some people don't handle surprises well, and we're just doing our part to keep them safe and happy. (It counts toward our community service time. Don't ask.) Remember, to be forewarned is to have forearms. Somebody really should have told you that ahead of time.

Change #1: don't panic, but Apple has started listing the names of stores with imminent grand openings in green. We said don't panic! Breathe into a paper bag or something and trust us when we tell you that it isn't nearly as frightening as it sounds. For one thing, it's actually quite pleasant to have a quick visual cue that a listed store isn't open yet but will be soon. For another, green is a naturally soothing color, so you should be fine. If, however, Apple had chosen to print those stores' names in red, understandably your head would explode.

Change #2: Apple has added a third upcoming store to the Grand Openings list. In addition to the Menlo Park and King of Prussia locations which are slated to open tomorrow, now there's also the Bay Street store in Emeryville, which is scheduled to open up and party down on Saturday, November 16th. Interestingly enough, that's a week from tomorrow, and so this is one of those exceedingly rare occasions on which Apple has posted a grand opening date more than a week in advance. (It's nothing to have a seizure over, however. Seriously. Stop it.)

By the by, we've done a little counting (yes, we know how to count-- shut up), and it looks to us like unless some more of those store names go green in a hurry, Apple will have just 49 stores open before Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday shopping season in earnest-- which falls just a hair short of its stated goal. Now, that is something to panic about. Go ahead, knock yourself out. Just try not to swallow your tongue.