TV-PGDecember 2, 1997: (Sorry—this was before we started writing intro text for each episode!)
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 
Springtime Buyout (12/2/97)
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There goes Apple Recon again, talkin' 'bout a revolution. Or at least a takeover, which is almost the same thing. Only this time, it's not Larry Ellison and Oracle who's got the itchy check-writing fingers.

Recon's saying that there are several companies large enough to try to buy Apple who are sniffing around its multicolored fruit. Just who these giants are Recon doesn't say, but in an update to their original post, they do mention that these circling predators are considering a buyout move this upcoming spring, when they expect Apple to be at its weakest. What may make this scenario truly interesting is the fact that apparently not all of the suitors are even aware of each others' intentions. Remember the "Tweety Rule" taught by classic American cartoons: when two predators both attack the same prey, it's the prey that typically comes out ahead.

Of course, Recon also says that, since they've now reported this, this "Springtime Takeover" scenario may now never happen. We think it's awfully convenient that Recon can never be wrong. ;-)

 
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CompUSA Still Sucks (12/2/97)
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Okay, pardon our French, but holy freakin' crap. Yes, we've heard umpteen horror stories about anti-Mac salespeople at computer superstores, and yes, we've even experienced such nightmares ourselves, but the "absolutely infuriating story" posted by MacOS Rumors (by way of Macintouch) really just takes the cake. It's a must-read, but beware: viewers with high blood pressure should probably refrain.

Here's the AtAT partial summary of "utter bull" spewed forth by the CompUSA salesperson, whom we can only hope gets his ass handed to him with his pink slip:

  • No Macs have built-in SCSI.
  • A 166MHz Pentium MMX system is the fastest PC you can buy (and nothing else runs "Photorun" faster).
  • No system supports dual monitors.
  • 2 MB of VRAM is the most you can buy in a computer.
  • MMX Pentiums are faster than PowerMacs, especially for graphics work.
  • You can't add SCSI to a Mac.
  • Macs are not expandable, and even require a special expensive tool to open the case.
  • Mac memory is Mac-only and costs $300 for 16MB.

Can even Apple's new buddy-buddy relationship with CompUSA reverse misinformation this bad? More importantly, was this salesperson stupid, stoned, or lying to push the Sony system? Given his statement that the Sony even came with "level-cache," we'd have to assume at least partially one of the first two. (And as even my relatively computer-illiterate girlfriend puts it, "PhotoRun?!") For the latest on CompUSA's supposed metamorphosis into an Apple-friendly store, keep one eye on the CompUSA Watch Page.

 
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COS: The Last Word (12/2/97)
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MacOS Rumors has the followup on the recently-reported fact about the "COS" appearing in an old X-Files episode called "The Ghost in the Machine." In that episode, the sentient central computer system in an office building (seen labeled as "COS", for "Central Operating System") runs amok and kills various people who have the power to turn it off. The use of the name "COS" both in the show and for Omega's vaporware Mac OS-compatible operating system at first seemed like a goofy coincidence.

But now, Rumors readers are reporting that also in that episode appears the name "Omega," as well as the phrase "B2 Security," which Omega claims is the security level of its "Crypto Operating System." The evidence seems pretty conclusive that the COS is in fact a hoax, as just about everyone in the Mac community has suspected for a long time.

But hey, at least the hoaxers watch the X-Files, so they can't be all bad.

 
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