Okay, we've spent the last twenty-four hours breathing into a paper bag and visualizing the color green, and we think we've finally got that whole hyperventilation thing under control. We actually consider ourselves lucky that the implications of Apple's new "Brilliant savings" Power Mac promo only triggered respiratory issues. Since word of the promo first got out over the weekend, we've gotten reports from stricken Mac fans around the globe who, when faced with the possibility of no new G5s until the end of June, came down with one or more of the following stress-induced symptoms: hives; dry mouth; swollen extremities; uncontrollable trembling; sudden baldness; intermittent lack of bladder control; unexplained massive blood loss; and psychosomatic leprosy. Clearly we got off light.

Things actually got a little worse for a while, when we noticed that Apple had reset the clock on the "More memory for less" promotion, which, you may recall, offers discounted RAM on (among other things) Power Mac G5s. It was originally slated to expire on March 27th, and formed a cornerstone of the whole "new G5s at the end of March" theory. The promo now runs through June 26th just like "Brilliant savings" does, and yes, that little surprise had us wheezing extra hard for a while. But we've got it under control, now. It's all good.

We'd like to extend a special thank-you to AppleInsider for assisting in our recovery by giving us a slim thread of hope to cling to: the site's sources claim that the "Brilliant savings" promo "should not be taken as an indication that new Power Mac and display models will be delayed" until WWDC. The reasoning is that the promo's fine print specifies the qualifying display by part number (M8537ZM/A), so even if new displays ship tomorrow, the $500 rebate would only apply to purchases of the older model. Furthermore, the promo merely states that "all Apple Power Mac G5 computers" are qualifying products; not a part number to be found. So if new Power Macs ship tomorrow, too (yeah, right), they'll qualify just fine if customers buy them together with the existing Cinema HD display that Apple is pushing so hard to get rid of. In other words, the promo isn't about clearing G5 inventory; it's "intended to get rid of the current model 23 inch Cinema HD Displays for $500 off, regardless of new product introductions."

The same sort of logic applies to the terms of "More memory for less," as well, which specifies that "only DDR333 or DDR400 RAM modules qualify"; the revised Power Macs we've all been waiting for since the Cretaceous Period are rumored to use "updated and possibly ECC RAM," thus disqualifying them from the price break. So, we feel better-- even though all the "fine print" logic strikes us as a little thin. But heck, we're Mac fans; we're used to hanging our hopes and dreams on a lot less evidence than that.

For example, speaking of fine print, eagle-eyed faithful viewer Danny was first to spot this little nugget buried in the legalese of "Brilliant savings": "This offer may be combined with the Apple Impress for Less rebate." Now, maybe we were asleep at the switch, but we don't recall any "Impress for Less" promo, and if there ever was one, it's not there now (although we suppose it might be by the time you see this). So Apple has another new promo waiting in the wings, eh? How very... interesting. Because clearly it's proof positive of an imminent hardware introduction. G5s ahoy!

See what we mean about the "hopes and dreams" thing? Yeah. It's a sickness. But hey, it beats psychosomatic leprosy. Ewwww.

While we're on the subject of imminent hardware introductions, you probably recall that whispers of soon-to-surface new PowerBooks have been wafting around through the rumoric ether lately. The last we'd heard on the subject showed some pretty wide variance in expected release dates and specs; AppleInsider says it's a PowerBook G4 and it's due in or after the "final week of April," while some German site called MacTechNews claims it'll be an honest-to-goshness PowerBook G5 and won't appear until WWDC at the end of June. Our own sources claim it'll be a PowerBook G6 packing four processors and it'll ship last Thursday, but we suspect they're just trying to spread things around a little for harmony's sake. It's like Feng Shui or something.

Well, it's time to add another smiley face to the scatter graph, because faithful viewer Troy informs us that the PowerPage says that new PowerBooks are coming this week. As in, practically right now. Heck, if the PowerPage is right, there may be a press release by the time you even see this. We're not counting on it, of course, but with the new Power Macs apparently stuck indefinitely in Mac Limbo ("How low can you go?"), it's nice to think that we may at least get some new hardware by the end of March.

As far as the specs on these puppies go, the PowerPage practically redefines the word "vague." Processor speed? "Faster." RAM? (Silence.) Storage? "Faster" and "larger." Video? "New," and with the option to go as high as 128 MB of VRAM. Form factor? "Same." And that's about all we get. Still, that's all right in line with what any reasonable person would expect of a PowerBook debuting this week: the good ol' speed bump. Keep the same chassis, crank up the processor a bit, maybe bump up the RAM and hard disk and update the video circuitry, and voilà: a sagging product line suddenly looks four to six months younger. It's like BOTOX for Macs, only no one needs to get jabbed with a hypodermic filled with botulism for it to happen. Unless, you know, they want to.

Now, the bad news: if you were holding out hope for a PowerBook G5 by WWDC, the PowerPage's report pretty much nukes any chance of that happening. For one thing, WWDC is only three months away, and Apple generally leaves at least six months between product revisions. For another, despite the fact that the article's title is "New PowerBooks This Week: Last of the G4s," the PowerPage claims that "there will be one more update to the aluminum PowerBook G4 after this one before the PowerBook G5 is announced." (Ultimate, penultimate, whatever.) So unless you think Apple has made the leap to a 1.5-month product refresh cycle, it sounds like the G5 won't make it into a portable until sometime next year-- again, all assuming that the PowerPage is right in the first place.

Given that there are only three days left in the week, it won't be long before we know if at least part of the report is true. We have to admit, we have our doubts; how can we possibly be expected to believe a report that doesn't even cite "sources close to Apple"? Geez, there are certain traditions to follow, here, people...

You know, not a day goes by that we aren't struck by how incredible the iPod's user interface happens to be. (Okay, we may have skipped a day last November while we were busy doing holiday cards, and last Saturday we got distracted by a dog with a puffy tail. But that's all.) Seriously, think about it: Apple has come up with a method by which you can locate and play a single song out of thousands and thousands in mere seconds, and literally with one hand tied behind your back. How cool is that?

Well, Apple seems to think that it's cool enough-- and original enough-- to warrant a patent. Faithful viewer Peter tipped us off to Apple's recent application for a patent for a "graphical user interface and methods of use thereof in a multimedia player," which, if you dig through a bit of the text, is obviously all about the iPod's hierarchical slidey menu thing with the clicking and the scrolling and the hey hey hey (FRINK NOISE). CNET notes that the listed inventors of said interface are Jeffrey L. Robbin (who originally programmed SoundJam, the MP3 player app that Apple bought and turned into iTunes), Timothy Wasko (who worked with Steve at NeXT before becoming Apple's UI Lead for the iApps), and Steve Jobs (who, we're told, prefers smooth peanut butter to crunchy).

Now, we know there are people whose biggest joy in life is sitting around and debating whether or not certain patents have merit and discussing whether similar technologies constitute prior art, but we aren't them, nor do we speak to them much in social situations. (If you're not hep to the whole patent debate thing either, just use this time to daydream about what sorts of fun hardware Apple might be working on given that the application discusses "multimedia" instead of "music," and draws a distinction between a "portable media asset player" and a "portable, pocket-sized multimedia asset player." Woo-hoo! New toys!)

We will say that we're glad Apple has applied to patent the iPod's interface whether it deserves it or not, in part for the reason that CNET describes: patent law affords far greater legal protection of intellectual property than copyright law, and Apple already got hosed on the copyright thing when it unsuccessfully sued Microsoft for swiping elements of the Mac's user interface and slapping them into Windows.

The main reason why we hope Apple gets the patent, however, boils down to one single word: Dell. If Apple secures a patent on the iPod's interface, then we figure Dell will either have to cough up licensing fees to keep making its Digital Jukebox (whose interface is so similar to the iPod's it could be its ugly half-brother), or slug it out in court. Take that, you G5-fearing tattletales!