Want a spiffy new Mac, but haven't got the cash on hand to pony up for the goods? Well, don't let that stop you, Sparky, because in these dark days of thriftiness and sagging consumer confidence, Apple is resorting to a tried and true method to grease the occasionally sticky wheels of capitalism: the Attractive Consumer Loan. Because, as we all know, debt isn't like real money at all-- so spend, spend, spend!

See, friends, Apple is all about elegance and quality. Unfortunately, like it or not, elegance and quality cost money, and in an economy like this one, money is something a lot of people just don't have lying around the house in big sacks with dollar signs painted on them. Consequently, instead of shelling out, say, $1799 for that 14.1-inch iBook they've been drooling over, some people choose instead to "save" $800 and slum around in one of these sorry buckets and regret their decision for the rest of their short, miserable lives. Apple hates to see that happen, in part because it's always a shame when people's lives are ruined by the heartbreak of using subpar Wintel dreck, but more so because money that should have helped Apple scrape together Uncle Steve's dollar-a-year salary instead wound up paying for Purina Talking Cow Chow way down yonder in Gateway Country.

So tool on over to the Apple Store and you'll see three small words that make up the sweetest phrase ever known to humankind: "Same As Cash." You heard right, kids; qualify for an Apple Instant Loan now and you can "make no payments until July," and if you pay off the whole loan by the end of the three-month grace period, Apple's loan affiliate (MBNA America Bank, N.A.) will even "rebate all finance charges accrued on that purchase" and you'll apparently wind up paying no interest at all. Bear in mind, however, that paying off a loan within three months flies in the face of all that's sacred and holy about our economic system. In fact, real consumers will refuse the best-case 9.99% interest rate if it's offered to them, and will instead take on the maximum 26.99% voluntarily. Because that's what we consumers do: we amass huge mountains of debt and laugh about it while playing with our shiny new toys.

Speaking of huge mountains of debt, we notice that the Apple Instant Loan in its current incarnation is available in amounts all the way up to $25,000 for those into the "Extreme Debt" scene. For the record, a completely maxed-out build-to-order Power Mac (with two Cinema Displays, one HD and one not) runs $14,300. So unfortunately, the Apple Instant Loan won't cover two of them. We guess you'll just have to settle for less.

Uhhhhh... yeah. Remember yesterday's spiel about WeHaveTheWayOut.com, the Microsoft and Unisys tag-team web site that intends to spread the gospel about how all serious businesses running UNIX should immediately switch to Windows because that icky UNIX is "inflexible" and "makes you struggle daily"? There was just one teensy little problem with that brilliant marketing approach: that web site itself was actually running UNIX and Apache, not Windows and IIS. Not exactly a vote of confidence, there. We don't know what the official criteria are for something to qualify as an official "massive bonehead PR disaster," but we're pretty sure this move is at least on the radar.

Well, as we expected, Microsoft apparently clued in to the fact that running an anti-UNIX web site on a UNIX server might undermine its argument somewhat, so, as faithful viewer Mark Rosenkranz informed us, they switched it over to Windows 2000 sometime this morning. (As Mark says, "Let the hacking begin!") The thing is, though, NetCraft keeps a log of what servers are used for which web sites, so it's still plain to see that Microsoft's "UNIX is Bad and Evil" web site did indeed spend five days running on Bad and Evil UNIX-- and probably would have stayed that way indefinitely, had CNET not pointed out this incongruity to end all incongruities.

Now, how much would you pay for this prime example of Redmond's chuckleheadedness? $79? $89? Well, don't answer yet, because if you order now, we'll toss in a bonus example, absolutely free! Faithful viewer christoph noticed that, at some point, the new and improved Windows-served version turned into a blank page, and as we started writing this, WeHaveTheWayOut.com had been blank for well over an hour-- ever since we first started checking at 3:18 PM EST. Since even Microsoft couldn't be so incompetent as to let something like that go unfixed much longer, we grabbed a screenshot for posterity's sake, which shows both the blank page as served and the source code that generates it. (Although we will say this much: that is some really clean code.)

To see what the page used to look like, back when it was running on a UNIX server, hurry up and take a gander at Google's cache before it expires. So let's recap, shall we? Yesterday, Microsoft's message was "if you're using UNIX, you should switch to Windows, even though we ourselves use UNIX when we hope no one will notice." Today the message has changed to "if you're using UNIX like we got caught doing, switch to Windows just like we did and watch your stuff break." Memo to Bill G.: this is still not helping your case, buddy...

[Update: as of broadcast time at 10:39 PM EST, the site is now spitting out a "Directory Listing Denied" error. Does that count as an improvement? They're trying, folks, they really are!]

As our regular viewers are all too painfully aware, Steve Jobs is a cast regular here at AtAT, making daily mercurial appearances and hogging screen time at every turn like the quintessential showman he is. But twenty-six years ago, Apple started out as the story of two Steves cranking out the first personal computer in a garage-- yet His Wozness opts only for the rare occasional AtAT guest appearance. What's up with that? Is it just his naturally quiet demeanor, or what? Perhaps you think Woz just prefers the quiet life out of the public eye, or maybe that he's a little camera shy. Uh-huh. See, that's just what they want you to think. But today, AtAT unearths the real reason why Woz isn't overly fond of sharing a stage with "The Other Steve" and his Apple cohorts.

We can't take credit for uncovering the truth; all the sleuthing was actually done by faithful viewer Kevin Gurney, who then dutifully reported the dirt to us so that we could spread it far and wide. Here's how to see for yourself why Woz is on secretly chilly terms with the rest of Apple: first, take a peek at the State of California's "Unclaimed Property" site. You'll notice there's a search form; enter "Wozniak" for Last Name, "Steve" for First Name, and "Los Gatos" for City (where Woz has hung his hat for the past couple of decades). Click "Search," and then click "Claim" next to the single returned listing. Well, whaddaya know? Apple apparently owes the Woz some money-- $5.61, to be exact.

Now, some of you probably feel that a debt of $5.61 is a paltry sum that's far too insignificant to be ruffling Woz's feathers, but it's the little things that really get under people's skin. Besides, as any U.S. dweller with a TV and a pulse has had drilled into their skulls repeatedly by entertainment has-beens desperate for work, with 10-10-220, all calls up to twenty minutes are just 99 cents-- meaning that Woz is missing out on well over an hour and a half's worth of quality long-distance telephone service because Apple is sitting on that fiver and change. Surely that's enough to burn anyone's behind... even someone as famously patient and easygoing as the Woz.

For what it's worth, it looks to us like Apple has tried to return Woz's cash, but the man hasn't returned their calls, so Apple has dutifully reported the "unclaimed property" to the state. All we can hope for is that Woz takes notice of Apple's good faith effort to return his lunch money so that we can all put this nasty feud behind us and get on with our lives. Howzaboutit, Woz? C'mon, take your money back and let bygones be bygones. We like Jobs and all, but a little goes a long way, and if we don't start giving some screen time to other cast members, our heads are going to explode.