Want a spiffy new Mac, but haven't got the cash on hand to pony up for the goods? Well, don't let that stop you, Sparky, because in these dark days of thriftiness and sagging consumer confidence, Apple is resorting to a tried and true method to grease the occasionally sticky wheels of capitalism: the Attractive Consumer Loan. Because, as we all know, debt isn't like real money at all-- so spend, spend, spend!

See, friends, Apple is all about elegance and quality. Unfortunately, like it or not, elegance and quality cost money, and in an economy like this one, money is something a lot of people just don't have lying around the house in big sacks with dollar signs painted on them. Consequently, instead of shelling out, say, $1799 for that 14.1-inch iBook they've been drooling over, some people choose instead to "save" $800 and slum around in one of these sorry buckets and regret their decision for the rest of their short, miserable lives. Apple hates to see that happen, in part because it's always a shame when people's lives are ruined by the heartbreak of using subpar Wintel dreck, but more so because money that should have helped Apple scrape together Uncle Steve's dollar-a-year salary instead wound up paying for Purina Talking Cow Chow way down yonder in Gateway Country.

So tool on over to the Apple Store and you'll see three small words that make up the sweetest phrase ever known to humankind: "Same As Cash." You heard right, kids; qualify for an Apple Instant Loan now and you can "make no payments until July," and if you pay off the whole loan by the end of the three-month grace period, Apple's loan affiliate (MBNA America Bank, N.A.) will even "rebate all finance charges accrued on that purchase" and you'll apparently wind up paying no interest at all. Bear in mind, however, that paying off a loan within three months flies in the face of all that's sacred and holy about our economic system. In fact, real consumers will refuse the best-case 9.99% interest rate if it's offered to them, and will instead take on the maximum 26.99% voluntarily. Because that's what we consumers do: we amass huge mountains of debt and laugh about it while playing with our shiny new toys.

Speaking of huge mountains of debt, we notice that the Apple Instant Loan in its current incarnation is available in amounts all the way up to $25,000 for those into the "Extreme Debt" scene. For the record, a completely maxed-out build-to-order Power Mac (with two Cinema Displays, one HD and one not) runs $14,300. So unfortunately, the Apple Instant Loan won't cover two of them. We guess you'll just have to settle for less.