Our cunning plan worked! With all the hand-wringing and teeth-gnashing going on about the possibility of a speedier iMac's imminent release, we knew that the only thing that could dispel the swirling miasma of confusion was good old Murphy's Law. The plan was this: we'd publicly announce to our 3000+ viewers that we simply didn't know if new iMacs were coming and that "we wouldn't bet on it." Given the way things happen in our lives, that would be a sure cue for the Fates to step in and make us look silly. Sure enough, as soon as we addressed the rumors of a faster iMac with a hearty "We Don't Know," suddenly the entire 'net was ablaze with confirmation of the new 333 MHz iMacs, winging their translucent way to store shelves within a matter of days.

In fact, a number of AtAT viewers who also happen to be Apple resellers wrote to confirm "straight from the horse's mouth" that they had the official part numbers and prices and could order the new 333 MHz machines immediately. Unfortunately, none of them included pricing when they contacted us, but while TheiMac lists the new "M744xLL/A" units at $1299.99, we think it's much more likely that Apple Insider's $1199.97 price is correct; we highly doubt that Apple would actually raise the iMac's list price back up to its original level after dropping it in January. Note that as far as we can tell, the only thing different about the new iMacs is the 333 MHz processor-- disk space, graphics, RAM, and colors are all apparently identical to the original fruit-flavored release; no Cherry, no Banana, no RAGE 128, no DVD. Some resellers apparently already have the new models in stock, and though they're not allowed to advertise them until the official announcement on April 19th, they are allowed to sell them, once they sell all of their 266 MHz iMacs.

The ramifications of this "speed bump" are that if you're in the market for an iMac, you may want to wait a week or two and make sure you get a 333 MHz model. But if you're looking for a good deal on a 266, note that there's no official price drop on those. (Resellers can drop the price if they want, but they eat the loss, not Apple.) Prices for classic Bondi Blue iMacs may also tumble; they can already be found for under $900, though, so we're not sure how much lower they could possibly go. So, it appears that that's the story... by tempting fate with the chance to dish out some public humiliation, all has come clear. Mission accomplished; no need to thank us. And, as Pee-Wee would say, "I meant to do that."

So, what can you do with an old PC? They're really not attractive enough to convert into aquariums or anything like that. MacAddict's had some neat ideas, including QuickTime movies on their monthly CD-ROMs showing PC's being tossed into pools, run over, and dragged behind cars. Other than satisfying your destructive side, though, there just really isn't a whole lot you can do with an aging Wintel, unless you're the type who would have fun messing with Linux or setting up a fax server. You know who you are.

But if you live in Singapore, you've got another option, and it could save you some cash. There, according to MacLand, Apple is running a promotion with the slogan, "Do something productive with your PC. Trade it in for an iMac." Customers who bring in their old PC (there are no details about what restrictions, if any, apply-- could I trade in my old TRS-80?) will get a price break of 318 Singapore dollars on their purchase of an iMac. In U.S. dollars, that's about $183 and change, which is more than a lot of PC's are worth. It brings the local iMac price down to S$1870, or about U.S. $1080, hopefully making the iMac a more attractive option to the local populace. It's a neat idea for a promotion, and we wish Apple would introduce something like that here in the States-- especially given the number of ex-PC users we've met or heard from who have moved on to the iMac.

But then, we have to wonder just what Apple plans to do with all the PCs that it collects during the trade-in period. Big ugly sculpture to leave on Dell's lawn in the middle of the night? Mass roof-toss? Whatever. If we have any viewers in Singapore, by the way, you have until April 16th to take advantage of this promotion-- it's obvious that Apple's running it to help clear its inventory in preparation for the new 333 MHz iMacs. So you have a choice: you can ditch that aging 386 in the corner and save some money on an iMac/266, or you can wait, pay a few hundred dollars more, and get a faster iMac.

Conspiracy theorists rejoice! Now there's even more proof you can add to your mounting evidence that Apple and Volkswagen are secretly controlled by the same alien forces bent on global domination. The similarities between the two companies were already spooky enough: both fell on hard times in the early nineties, and both are experiencing a recent resurgence due to slick, quirky advertising (think different, think "da da da") and curvy products that look just a little bit too alien to have developed from terrestrial origins-- the Beetle and the iMac have been compared so many times, we probably don't need to get into that here.

So here's the latest piece of the puzzle: according to Advertising Age, Steve Wilhite is about to join up with the mothership in Cupertino. Wilhite was Volkswagen's "de facto marketing chief" for nine years, during which time he helped revive the VW brand, culminating in the launch of the new Beetle last year. Wilhite left Volkswagen on January 1st, and signed on with a small motorcycle manufacturer called Excelsior-Henderson as the veep of sales and marketing in early February. Now, though, it appears that Wilhite may be filling the head marketing slot at Apple, which Steve Jobs himself has been filling since he wrested back control of the company in 1997. Advertising Age may think "the reasons behind Mr. Wilhite's sudden move from cycles to Macs" are unclear, but to anyone familiar with Jobs' Reality Distortion Field and the advanced mind control techniques of alien colonists, it's really not all that tough to explain.

Apple's official stance is that their marketing post has not been filled, and that "at this time, any names out there would be speculation." But if Wilhite does in fact become Apple's marketing czar (under the close watchful eye of Jobs, of course), you can chalk up one more Apple-VW connection. It's unclear just how long we have before colonization begins, but we're willing to bet that the looming Y2K bug figures heavily in the aliens' plans...