As you are no doubt aware, after several real and imagined cancellations, reinstatements, flip-flops, and reversals, Apple has finally settled on an actual, honest-to-goodness policy on how to handle Power Mac G4 pre-orders placed before the new, slower models were announced. Basically, those pre-orders will be honored at the original quoted prices-- which means that if Apple had never cancelled orders in the first place, they'd be right where they are now, minus a ton of ill will and a PR disaster. Oh, well; live and learn. Now that this whole nightmare is behind them, Apple can get back to its real business: slowing down G4s for customer safety.

Now, for those of you who jumped right in and bought a Power Mac G4 400 ("Yikes!" configuration, with the Yosemite motherboard used in the Power Mac G3) as soon as they were available, first of all, congratulations. Stop smirking. Yes, the rest of us know that $1599 will now only get us a G4/350. Just because you bucked the odds and got more computer for your money by purchasing early is no reason to act all smug. Nobody likes smugness unless it's coupled with a Reality Distortion Field. In fact, we're sorely tempted not to warn you about Apple's new Power Mac G4 ROM update 1.8.1.

Yes, Apple's issued a ROM update for owners of "Yikes!" G4s. According to Apple, the patch fixes a problem that can cause "data corruption or system crashes." Sounds like something you should go ahead and install right away, doesn't it? That is, unless you happen to remember Apple's last PR disaster, which involved a firmware update for blue and white Power Mac G3s that rendered the systems incapable of booting if a G4 upgrade was installed. Granted, a ROM update isn't the same thing as a firmware update, but given Apple's latest crusade to knock 50 MHz off of G4 clock speeds, personally, we'd be wary of any "fix" they provide specifically for G4 owners. Is it possible for a simple ROM update to underclock your Mac's processor? Nope. Are we just being paranoid? Yup. If the ROM update does magically manage to slow down your G4, will we try not to look shocked as we say "I told you so"? You betcha. Now download away!

Okay, it's time for someone to sit down with Mike Dell and have a little talk. This obsession with trying to turn Dell into the next Apple has gotten just a little bit out of hand. We accepted Dell's announced plan to ship colorful, Internet-ready PCs to "cool" consumers with a certain amount of resignation; after all, everyone and his grandmother is copying the iMac in hopes of duplicating its runaway success, so we can't really fault Dell for that. But when they announced consumer-targeted laptops available in two colors, well, that infringes just a little too closely on the iBook's territory. Then there was Dell's rush to slap a wireless networking option on their notebook computers-- right about when AirPort was making a media stir.

We understand that all of these moves can be seen as nothing more dangerous than an unimaginative industry tycoon trying to capitalize on Apple's innovations at every turn. After all, Mike Dell's a smart guy; he probably sees how Bill Gates became the richest man in the world by shamelessly ripping off Apple's products, and figures that he's hit upon a surefire recipe for success. But Dell's latest "homage" to Apple isn't really an innovation-stealing business move; it's more of a scary obsessive-compulsive self-destructive sort of thing. According to an Associated Press article, not a month after Apple publicly announced that they'd make less money than expected for the quarter, Dell has issued its own earnings warning-- blaming higher RAM prices for its stumble.

So now Mike Dell is even trying to emulate Steve's slip-ups. Copying Apple's successes is one thing, but copying its failures, too? That's just plain creepy. Honestly, we're really starting to think that Mike Dell wants to be Steve Jobs. To-do list for Steve:

1. Rent Single White Female on DVD.
2. Watch it on your PowerBook. Twice.
3. Hire bodyguards. Big, mean ones.

Poor Microsoft; it seems like Bill and his minions are having a tough time scraping up sympathy from users about the growing problem of rampant software piracy. According to a San Francisco Chronicle article, the company recently threw an anti-piracy party known as "Ask If It Is Licensed" which turned out to be an utter flop. Granted, the methodology of the event was questionable; Microsoft asked customers who were using pirated copies of their products to stop by and turn in their illegal copies for free, fully-licensed versions. No one came-- at least, not to turn in software. Apparently a few people showed up for free t-shirts, though.

Microsoft attorney and "chief anti-piracy enforcement official" Anne Murphy was "disappointed" with the event's failure, but really, is anyone surprised? Microsoft is well-known to be the closest thing to Orwell's Big Brother we've got in this world; unique identifiers secretly embedded in Word documents, fragments of personal and financial data hidden in your Excel spreadsheets, that whole "NSA key" conspiracy theory, and so many security holes in Microsoft Internet software that even the most trusting soul has to wonder how they could all be innocent mistakes. So let's think about this for a moment... Microsoft asks people who are ripping them off to show up in person, trade in the illegal software for a fully-licensed copy, and walk away with no punishment? Yeah, right. So now Microsoft has your admission of guilt, your fingerprints on the illegal software, and your photograph taken by the undercover shills they've scattered throughout the crowd (if there had been a crowd). And that free copy of Office you got in exchange is now tracking your every move. C'mon, would you fall for this?

In fact, to see the level of gullibility it takes to show up to a Microsoft-sponsored "We Forgive You-- Really" party, look no further than the guy who took advantage of the shindig to picket Clinton. Frank Chu kept trying to get in front of television cameras with his sign that read, "Impeach Clinton. 12 Galaxies Guiltied to A Techtronic Rocket Society." He "explained" his sign by saying that "Clinton has freely committed treason against 12 galaxies." Uhhhh, thanks for clearing that up, Frank. Now it's crystal-clear. See what we mean by "gullible"? Everyone knows that the twelve galaxies are being wronged by Queen Elizabeth, not Clinton. Geez...