Hey, kids, it's the latest scandal to rock Cupertino-- iToolsgate! And it's about freakin' time, too, because we haven't seen a good, hearty scandal come out of Apple headquarters since the Great G4 Speed Dump of 1999 and the associated Order Cancellation and Reinstatement Backpedal. Sure, there was the company's withdrawal from Apple Expo 2000 in the UK and that trade show's ensuing collapse, but overseas drama doesn't always play that well to predominantly U.S. crowds. This time around, though, Apple's managed to bake up a scandal that's sure to delight and outrage a wide cross-section of the Mac-using population: faithful viewer Stephen White alerted us to the unsettling fact that the lawyers snuck a clause into the iTools membership agreement which gives Apple carte blanche to use anything you post using HomePage in any way they want, for free, forever.

Check it out-- a MacInTouch special report excerpts the clause in question, which grants Apple "a worldwide, perpetual, irrevocable, royalty-free, sublicensable (though multiple tiers) right" to do pretty much anything they want with "any content you post in any public site within iTools." The implication, if we're not mistaken, is that all those wedding photos you dragged into your iDisk and subsequently published to the iTools web site via HomePage are now fair game for Apple to exploit. We're a little unclear on whether the Public folder in one's iDisk constitutes a "public site," and what about stuff in the Pictures folder that isn't published using HomePage? It's still loadable in any browser to anyone who knows the filenames and your member name. In any event, it's a creepy policy and it makes us feel dirty all over.

Now, call us picky, but we're the sort of people that actually at least skims all those end-user agreements before installing software, and we don't recall seeing anything quite as heinous as that. Moreover, we'd like to think that such a fantastically alarming clause would have jumped right out at us and waved a little red flag while dancing the Jig of Crazy Agreements. That's not to say that the "we own your data" clause wasn't included in the terms of service when we first signed up for iTools, although we imagine it's possible that Apple actually added it later. (We just went back and loaded up the agreement again, and we don't recall having to scroll horizontally so much to read it, either.) Another likely scenario is that Apple did a great job of burying that clause in a psychological blind spot, sandwiched in between so much mind-numbing legalese about unsolicited commercial email and unauthorized monitoring of data that we just plumb missed it.

Anyway, the clause is there now, and thousands of iTools members have apparently agreed to it. So don't be surprised if that iMovie of your wiener dog shows up in an EarthLink commercial a few months from now, and you without a single royalty check. And we strongly recommend that you delete those "goofing around" pictures you posted right after trying out your digital camera the first time, just to see if it worked-- unless seeing Apple's home page adorned with a picture of you with your finger up your nose is how you want to spend your fifteen minutes of fame.

So, uh, are you as disappointed by the G4 as we are? The chip, we mean, not the Mac-- the Power Mac G4 is one gorgeous hunk of plastic, and its Graphite-and-Ice enclosure would score highly even if the processor at its core were, say, that of a Texas Instruments Speak & Spell. But as far as the chip itself goes, even with all that early supercomputer hype, we find ourselves a little underwhelmed. Well, okay, maybe just whelmed. After all, the performance is great, especially in Altivec Velocity Engine-enhanced applications, but when you consider the incredible speed boost we all saw when the Mac moved from the 604e to the G3, the jump from G3 to G4 just doesn't seem as earth-shattering.

What's worse, of course, is that the G4's clock speeds are significantly lower than those of the fastest current G3, which is pushing 600 MHz these days; a G4/350 just doesn't look as impressive on paper as, say, an iMac DV running at 400 MHz. As you all know, after Apple announced the G4/500 last August, the company was forced to ship it as a G4/450 instead-- and here we are five months later, and a G4/500 is still nowhere to be seen. Is it just around the corner? Maybe; some faithful viewers (who will remain anonymous to protect their sources) report their dealers claim that Apple's promising a G4/500 by the end of the month. Feeling lucky?

More likely, though, is the daunting prospect that faster G4 systems are still a long way off. AppleInsider reports that Motorola was only able to create about ten thousand 500 MHz G4 chips between August and December-- not nearly enough for Apple to announce a new Power Mac speed-bumped back to its original megahertz rating. Apparently fewer than 1% of G4 processors coming off the line can be run reliably at 500 MHz. And even though Apple persuaded IBM to lend a hand producing the chips, things won't be getting much better anytime soon. The problem seems to be that the current G4 design simply isn't cut out for higher clock speeds; we'll probably have to wait for the next G4 revision this fall before we see clock speeds start to ramp up. We're always open to pleasant surprises, but AppleInsider's assertion that it's "a fair assumption" that the Power Mac G4 won't go higher than 500 MHz for eight months or so doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

But hey, times are tough all over-- according to The Register, even Intel's having chip shortages these days. So here's hoping that Apple's able to maintain its professional customer base with G4/450 systems for the next several months. We imagine the much-rumored "Mystic" dual-G4 systems may be a welcome stopgap, even with both chips running at "only" 450 MHz; hopefully those'll make it out the door relatively soon.

Thank heaven for patents! Without them, the already-rampant copying of Apple's innovations would be much, much worse. And according to The Mac Observer, Apple's finally been issued a patent to protect one of its most valuable pieces of intellectual property ever: the hockey puck mouse. You can see the patent for yourself, complete with images, on IBM's patent server.

Yes, it's true; now Apple holds an honest-to-goodness patent on that little round frustrator, thus stymieing industry-wide attempts to copy it in a bid to duplicate the near-unanimous negativity emanating from Apple's user base. Reports from AtAT's nigh-infallible sources indicate that Apple wannabe Dell has been forced to scrap its own round mouse, originally due for inclusion with the next WebPC in response to customer research which indicated a mousing frustration level far below the skyrocketing numbers generated by Apple's user base. Dell is now reported to be hard at work on an alternate design that doesn't infringe on Apple's patent. We understand it's being cast to fit the hand of a left-handed guy in their mail room who has six fingers, and it also employs a rotating spike mechanism to promote further mousing discomfort.

Meanwhile, Microsoft is still reeling from embarrassment that its IntelliMouse Explorer actually garnered kudos from users and reviewers alike, while Apple's newly-patented hockey puck still nabs the lion's share of dissatisfaction and bad press. Reportedly those responsible for the IntelliMouse's unintentional popularity have been sacked, and a new team in Redmond is hard at work on a much more frustrating input device, expected to be marketed as the "ImbeciliMouse Deplorer." Early reports indicate that current prototypes are made of soft, smelly cheese and have razor blades poking out at dangerous angles. But fear not, Apple fans-- the boys in Cupertino are a full year and a half ahead of the rest of the industry when it comes to making a mouse that can annoy the widest possible cross-section of the computer-using population. And when it comes to the field of tiny, cramped keyboards, well, Apple's way ahead of the pack.