Uh-oh, we sense tension. Can you feel it? It's like a vast, pulsing wave of indignant anger. Even if you don't feel it yourself, you might be able to witness its effects on your local wildlife; the bunnies in our back yard are stomping around with little frowns, which would be rather disturbing if it weren't so gosh-darned cute. According to our readings, this snitquake ranks a 7.8 on the Crabby Scale, and the epicenter would appear to be Cupertino, California. Only one man alive has the innate empathic amplification necessary to throw a snit fit on the West Coast and spook the wildlife in the greater Boston area-- it's not just a Reality Distortion Field, after all.

So what's got Steve so upset? Well, we figure he must've been tipped off about Worth magazine's "Top 50 CEOs" article. Have you taken a gander at the results yet? Pretty much everything said about Steve is complimentary in the extreme; the author notes his status as "one helluva design guy," praises his "stewardship of Apple's finances," and gushes over his "admirable restraint." So what's causing the bad vibes issuing forth from Cupertino? We'll give you a little hint: there's a reason why "We're Number Six!" isn't a resoundingly successful motivational chant.

Yes, Worth ranked Jobs sixth among the top fifty. It's a step up, to be sure; last year Steve was placed squarely in double-digits territory, and you can bet that being branded fifteenth rankled him to no end. So yeah, he's vaulted up the charts this year, but he's still sixth. More to the point, check out who's number 3: Steve Ballmer of Microsoft. To be placed three slots below Ballmer, who only became a CEO this past January, especially when Apple's stock performance has been over twice as good as Microsoft's over the course of the past three years, well, let's just say we're surprised our bunnies are only frowning instead of pulling switchblades on the local squirrel population. A note to the folks over at Worth: when you compile your list next year, don't make Steve angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

To sue, or not to sue? That is the question-- the question that Apple's had to ask itself a lot over the past couple of years. Back when the original Bondi Blue iMac was first unveiled, we recall more than a few snide remarks from the Wintel camp about how it would take more than pretty colors and translucent plastic to sell a computer. Hey, we agree wholeheartedly; it also takes attention to detail, strength of design, ease of use, and a whole lot of other factors that Apple poured into the iMac. But the irony, of course, is that the Wintel manufacturers eventually decided that, no, it doesn't take anything more than pretty colors and translucent plastic to sell a computer. At least, that's the only conclusion we can reach after seeing all those uninspired iMac lookalikes that limped to market over a year after the iMac first debuted.

Fish PC, however, is different. Now, you know that Apple sued just about all the makers of those iMacalikes, and was quite successful in its efforts; all of the suits were settled out of court except for the original case against Future Power, which still hasn't entered trial. So we've been wondering just what action, if any, Apple plans to take against Fish PC, the Australian manufacturer currently pushing a translucent monstrosity available in five different colors. While the Fish PC is by no means an all-in-one design-- more like all-in-seven, if we haven't lost count-- there's no doubt where its makers got the idea that see-thru colors sell computers.

Well, according to CNET, Apple only became aware of Fish PC last Friday, and is currently evaluating whether or not to pursue legal action. Apple spokesperson Alec Rosen didn't know for sure whether or not the Fish PC infringed on Apple's intellectual property, but admitted that "it looks pretty darn close to an iMac." Fish PC, for its part, denies that its new system copies Apple's consumer success: "In no way are we copying or trying to copy other machines." By way of proof, the company notes that its base unit "looks like a fish standing on its tail." Fair enough; we wholeheartedly believe that nobody would steal the idea of making a computer that looks like a fish. Apple should probably sit this one out, translucency be damned. C'mon, who really wants to start a tussle with a bunch of people who make computers that look like trout? For all we know, they're dangerously unstable-- and we're not talking about the computers.

Hoo, doggies-- sounds like the "Redmond Justice" writers are starting to come around to our way of thinking. Over the past several weeks, water-cooler whisperings have repeatedly hinted that the government would not seek a breakup of Microsoft, because such a "remedy" would be too drastic and likely wouldn't hold up on appeal. Instead, everyone following the rumors has been expecting a "you've been a naughty industry juggernaut, don't do that again" sort of penalty, perhaps with required open-source software and governmental monitoring of all business practices, etc. And frankly, that disappointed us to no end, because an ending like that just lacks drama. It's been a wild ride all along, full of thrilling swoops and hair-raising curves, and seeing this whole thing end with anything less than an attempt at a corporate death penalty just wouldn't be fitting.

So, as you can well imagine, this latest round of rumors has us warming up our VCRs. In case you haven't heard, the grapevine's now reporting that a Microsoft breakup is in the cards. We read about it over at The Mac Observer, who apparently heard the skinny from CNBC. According to these latest rumors, the government will propose that Microsoft be split into three "babysofts": one company will work on operating systems like Windows and Pocket PC, another will crank out applications like Office and Internet Explorer, and the third will be an "Internet services company"-- MSN, WebTV, and the like. And if that's not wacky enough, there are also rumors flying that the government will try to force the company to sell off Microsoft Office "in order to spur competition in the productivity market."

See, that's the kind of edge-of-your-seat writing that keeps us coming back for more. Even if the government's actual recommendations this Friday aren't nearly so drastic, we can at least revel in the short-term aftermath-- after-hours trading after the rumors broke shows MSFT spiralling out of control. Oh, sure, we've seen "Redmond Justice"-triggered stock market plunges before, but we think we can stand at least a couple more of them before it gets old. (At broadcast time, Microsoft's stock had tanked-- down nearly twelve points, or over fifteen percent, and the rest of the market was following suit.)