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Someone Needs A Nap (4/23/00)
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Uh-oh, we sense tension. Can you feel it? It's like a vast, pulsing wave of indignant anger. Even if you don't feel it yourself, you might be able to witness its effects on your local wildlife; the bunnies in our back yard are stomping around with little frowns, which would be rather disturbing if it weren't so gosh-darned cute. According to our readings, this snitquake ranks a 7.8 on the Crabby Scale, and the epicenter would appear to be Cupertino, California. Only one man alive has the innate empathic amplification necessary to throw a snit fit on the West Coast and spook the wildlife in the greater Boston area-- it's not just a Reality Distortion Field, after all.
So what's got Steve so upset? Well, we figure he must've been tipped off about Worth magazine's "Top 50 CEOs" article. Have you taken a gander at the results yet? Pretty much everything said about Steve is complimentary in the extreme; the author notes his status as "one helluva design guy," praises his "stewardship of Apple's finances," and gushes over his "admirable restraint." So what's causing the bad vibes issuing forth from Cupertino? We'll give you a little hint: there's a reason why "We're Number Six!" isn't a resoundingly successful motivational chant.
Yes, Worth ranked Jobs sixth among the top fifty. It's a step up, to be sure; last year Steve was placed squarely in double-digits territory, and you can bet that being branded fifteenth rankled him to no end. So yeah, he's vaulted up the charts this year, but he's still sixth. More to the point, check out who's number 3: Steve Ballmer of Microsoft. To be placed three slots below Ballmer, who only became a CEO this past January, especially when Apple's stock performance has been over twice as good as Microsoft's over the course of the past three years, well, let's just say we're surprised our bunnies are only frowning instead of pulling switchblades on the local squirrel population. A note to the folks over at Worth: when you compile your list next year, don't make Steve angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.
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SceneLink (2245)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 4/23/00 episode: April 23, 2000: Poor Steve-- smacked with number six in Worth magazine's list of the top fifty CEOs. Meanwhile, Apple contemplates whether it's worthwhile to sue a company making translucent computers shaped like fish, and the market's in for another beating as rumors swirl that the government will seek a Microsoft breakup after all...
Other scenes from that episode: 2246: What's Next-- LemurPC? (4/23/00) To sue, or not to sue? That is the question-- the question that Apple's had to ask itself a lot over the past couple of years. Back when the original Bondi Blue iMac was first unveiled, we recall more than a few snide remarks from the Wintel camp about how it would take more than pretty colors and translucent plastic to sell a computer... 2247: Thank The Leak Gods (4/23/00) Hoo, doggies-- sounds like the "Redmond Justice" writers are starting to come around to our way of thinking. Over the past several weeks, water-cooler whisperings have repeatedly hinted that the government would not seek a breakup of Microsoft, because such a "remedy" would be too drastic and likely wouldn't hold up on appeal...
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