Today's the day: Black Wednesday. Or should that be Red Wednesday? Once the markets close, Apple money dude Fred Anderson will get on the horn and announce just how scary Apple's fourth fiscal quarter turned out to be-- and given that Apple has already predicted a loss of up to a quarter of a billion dollars, the analysts in on the conference call are likely going to have red ink spurting out of their headset phones. (Want to feel like a big-shot Wall Street analyst for an hour or so? Then make sure to tune in to the live broadcast of the call at 5PM EST; all you need is QuickTime, an Internet connection, and the ability to pretend you know lots more about money than mere mortals.)

Here's the truly frightening thing: CNET reports that at least some analysts are actually predicting worse news than even the dire picture Apple painted in its infamous press release last month. You may recall that Apple's stated reason for the enormous scope of its first loss in three years was because the company prefers to take all of its lumps at once and immediately get back on track; Steve went so far as to say that Apple would return to profitability this quarter (Q2, January through March). But analyst Richard Gardner of Salomon Smith Barney isn't so sure; he admits that he's "impressed with Apple's new products" launched last week, but that hasn't changed his opinion that "the company suffers from a channel inventory overhang of existing products and that March quarter guidance will be reduced again." In other words, he expects Fred to pass the ball to Steve, who will try to put the best possible spin on the news that, no, Apple won't be back in the black as soon as the end of March.

Worse yet, Steven Fortuna of Merrill Lynch concurs: SuperDrives, titanium, and better clock speeds notwithstanding, he's not convinced that "the near-to-medium-term prospects for the company are any brighter than previously thought." Steven... you're bringing us down, man! Clearly these analysts have developed some sort of tolerance for Reality Distortion Field energy, which may spell trouble for Steve and his beleaguered band of rag-tag Mac-makers. All this negativity must be affecting Apple's karmic alignment-- or maybe it's throwing Steve's RDF out of whack. In any case, we're concerned that the analysts' collective pessimism will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and Apple will be forced to extend its unprofitable streak for at least another quarter. If that really turns out to be the case, then clearly the analysts must be stopped. Perhaps next quarter, instead of our usual "Beat The Analysts" contest, we'll adapt slightly and go with "Beat The Analysts With Heavy Blunt Instruments" instead.

Okay, so the analysts aren't all that excited about Apple's new hardware. Fair enough. After all, it's all professional-grade equipment, and Apple's big rebound in 1998 came from a consumer revolution: the iMac. Given that Apple currently has two hot new "killer apps" that are obviously consumer-targeted (those would be iTunes and iDVD, for those of you keeping score at home) but which currently require brand-new Power Mac G4 systems to use at their full potential (at least, according to Apple), it's not necessarily all that surprising that Wall Street's looking for something more before it considers Apple to be a horse worth backing again: namely, new consumer Macs.

Those of you that have been paying attention, however, already know that new iMacs are probably only about a month away from reality. After all, every current iMac incarnation has been designated as "end of life" in inventory systems all across this great land, and Apple itself has instituted $200 "instant rebates" on DV+ and Special Edition models. Macworld Expo Tokyo, anyone? Unless Apple is clearing out inventory as an exercise in capitalistic performance art, it's tough to imagine that, come February 20th, there won't be a slew of translucent new space eggs joining Steve onstage.

The real question, then, is this: just what will those new iMacs be packing under their brightly-colored hoods? CD-RW drives are a dead cert; Apple flat-out admitted that it missed the boat on letting consumers burn their own backups and custom music CDs, so the only people not expecting fresh iMacs with "power to burn" are probably the same people who are still waiting for Disney to sign the down payment check on One Infinite Loop. But what else?

Luckily, Mac OS Rumors has all kinds of hip dirt on what those new iMacs will be packing. Sure enough, CD-RW is in the cards (except for the entry-level model, which will keep its CD-ROM drive), but rumor has it that Apple is taking this opportunity to toss the following happy upgrades into the mix: a 4X AGP graphics bus, more RAM, G3s running at up to 700 MHz (and possibly a G4 in the Special Edition), a new audio system, and maybe even that long-term rumorological mainstay, the 17-inch screen. Zowie!

Hang on, though, because there's more. If a refreshed iMac won't be enough to cut it with those sourpuss analysts, Apple is said to be preparing new iBooks to trot out on the runway sometime this spring. Imagine, if you will, a new thinner and lighter enclosure, a 13-inch 1024x768 LCD display, and a 100 MHz system bus; now that the PowerBook G4 has raised the bar on portable performance, the iBook sounds like it's evolving into a slightly more Pismo-like weight class and feature set. Take that, Wall Street!

Meanwhile, despite the fact that its CD-burning feature is currently only supported on those brand new Power Macs just unveiled last week, iTunes is going great guns. According to an Apple press release first pointed out to us by faithful viewer David Triska, the do-everything "digital hub" audio software was downloaded over 275,000 times in its first week of availability. Obviously Mac fans are pleased with the idea of a free MP3 player and encoder that's got the fabled Apple fit and finish.

275,000 downloads? As David notes, "that's a lot of RDF!" Because as any true AtAT fanatic knows, we proved conclusively in last week's Viewer Mail that iTunes is a thinly-veiled Apple plot to deliver high doses of Steve's infamous Reality Distortion Field energy to as many Mac users as possible. Hint: hide your credit cards before spending any time staring at that trippy iTunes Visualizer-- and for Pete's sake, make sure you don't have 1-Click turned on at the Apple Store, or before you know it you'll be neck-deep in Cubes and high-interest debt.

The plus side, of course, is that with 275,000 iTunes users already on the hook, and the vast majority of those not privy to AtAT's discovery, we're pretty sure we know how Apple plans to turn a profit this quarter. Right at this very second, thousands of unsuspecting Mac users are merrily clicking away at the Apple Store, subconsciously adding thousands of dollars' worth of new gear to their virtual carts, all thanks to the magic of iTunes. Hey, Steve may slip up on occasion, but the man clearly knows how to get a company back on track. Happy shopping, people!