There's only one word to summarize Apple's latest plot twist, and that word is "ow." If last September's earnings warning meant that the party might be over, Apple's current press release signals that the house is on fire, someone threw a brick through the big-screen TV, the contents of the fridge and the trash cans are floating in the backyard pool, and the cops are loading drunk and bloody partygoers into the paddy wagon while the host is trying to hide in the upstairs linen closet. In short, ever since faithful viewer Tim Rzeznik first pointed out Apple's announcement that it plans to post its first quarterly loss in three years this coming January, we've noticed the Mac faithful have that look on their faces like they're trying to decide between pills, hanging, or suicide by Windows.

Yes, people, Apple's expecting to post a loss of up to a quarter of a billion dollars for the December quarter-- what the company calls "disappointing results"-- and you can bet the press will consider that solid proof that Apple is beleaguered with a capital "B." Just when you thought Apple's stock couldn't go any lower, it plummeted as low as $13.69 in after-hours trading following the bad news, and at broadcast time was hovering at about 14 1/2-- down a staggering 80% from its year-high. There's no doubt about it; as a community, we are officially firmly entrenched in the middle of some pretty scary times.

The silver lining to this big, black cloud? Well, Apple claims that it's taking its pain in the form of one solid smack upside the head in Q1/2001, instead of spreading it out over the course of several quarters. By opting for the "rip the Band-Aid off the hairy arm quickly" route, the plan is to eat the cost of Apple's eleven weeks of channel inventory, enter calendar 2001 naked but clean, and return to "sustained profitability" by next quarter. Is it a pipe dream, or an honest assessment of the company's performance looking forward?

Personally, we at AtAT are sort of upbeat about the whole thing, since we suspect that Steve's just setting the stage for one spectacularly dramatic "return from the brink" next year. C'mon, the guy's a master showman! This is probably just his way of priming the audience-- first for a thrilling round of product unveilings at next month's Macworld Expo, and then for a triumphant introduction of Mac OS X shortly thereafter. What can we say? The man loves a comeback story... especially when he's the star.