Welcome to Day 2 of Life During BuyMusicTime, and we're happy to report that we're feeling a little more relaxed about the whole thing today. After all, this isn't the first time that somebody rushed out a cheap ripoff of an elegant and successful Apple product while denigrating the original to the press-- and we're sure it won't be the last. And just because BuyMusic.com is the most blatant copycat of a solid Apple product or service since the E-Power made its stubborn stain on the underwear of the computing industry ("ours is better than the iMac because it runs Windows and has a floppy drive"), surely that's no reason for us to suffer an aneurysm, right?

For example, faithful viewer Patrick McFarland notes that Buy.pimp Scott Blum was just shoveling his lies on the Howard Stern show a little while ago, calling BuyMusic the "first legal way to download music" and insisting that "the songs are only 79 cents." But is the fact that these bald-faced lies will likely be swallowed whole by a sizable chunk of Stern's listening audience any reason for us to grind our teeth down to the gumline while simultaneously stabbing ourselves in the thigh with a shrimp fork? No. At least, probably not. Especially since Scott brought Tommy Lee along for the ride, who reportedly came off as decidedly noncommittal about the whole project, as if he "didn't really care or know much about it." Funny... we just assumed it was Tommy who designed the back-end databases and coded the transaction engine. (He had to learn something in prison, right?)

But no, apparently Tommy Lee is that purest of product shills, the Cash-Desperate Nonuser. Oh, sure, while he made it sound like he was just helping out his buddy Scott with his "cool new site," we're guessing that Tommy received plenty of green that he can use for those pesky expenses that crop up from time to time (for instance, blank tapes for homemade porn, court costs, bail, replacement cookware, etc.). Indeed, unless Tommy's had a change of faith in the past year or two, he can't be a BuyMusic customer: he's a Mac user. At least, faithful viewer Joaquin saw him using a titanium PowerBook on VH1, and faithful viewer lotuseater notes that his pad is just lousy with Macs, as evidenced by a viewing of an old episode of MTV Cribs. Gee, and Apple never made him an AppleMaster?

So yeah, there's an inveterate corporate liar making the rounds and spreading $40 million worth of anti-iTMS deceit in his wake, all while dragging along an ex-con hair-metal drummer with a frying pan fixation for an air of respectability-- but like we said, we're perfectly at peace with that. Yup. No reason to, say, hyperventilate with indignation and rage until our eyes burst in their sockets.

Nope.

But just in case, does anyone have any suggestions on how best to mop up one's own aqueous and vitreous humor while blind? It sounds difficult, so we're just sitting on a big tarp until this whole thing blows over.

Pressure... building...

Whoa, we must have dozed off during the movie or something; isn't Apple supposed to be the "little guy"? We could've sworn that just days ago we mentioned that Apple's market share last quarter was still pretty stagnant at a measly 2.3%, while Dell managed to boost its share from 15% to 18% in just the past year. That would mean that Dell is Big John Lotsacustomers and Apple is Skinny Leon Notathreat, right? So why is Dell bending over backwards to swipe Apple's customers at MIT's Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research?

Check it out: faithful viewer Michael McKinney informed us that MacNN has some details on hardball customer-poaching strategies that Dell has put into play over at Chez Whitehead. Apparently Whiteheadites can get trade-in allowances of "nearly $250" for old blue and white G3s and "over $400" for Power Mac G4s if they give up said Macs to buy a Dell Precision workstation instead-- with another $250 rebate on top of that to make the platform defection a little easier to swallow. Granted, the total savings probably aren't quite equal to the resale value of the Macs themselves, but it's still a pretty darn aggressive offer, considering that the market share numbers alone should put Apple well beneath Dell's notice. How can we possibly explain this anomalous behavior?

We'll tell you how: fear. Pure, unadulterated, I-just-saw-Steve-Ballmer-naked fear. Michael Dell is probably hugging his widdle Teddy bear and weeping in cold-sweat terror now that the Power Mac G5 is only a month away from shipping; indeed, the G5 is practically built for use in heavy-duty biomed research facilities like the Whitehead Institute, so maybe Mikey's hoping to sucker as many Mac users over to the Dark Side as he can before they get a taste of the G5 and just laugh at anything Dell might ever have to offer. Because, you know, those biomedical engineers? Obviously not too bright. So in Mike's eyes, this ought to be a cakewalk.

Of course, another possibility is that Mike is just looking for a way to get lots of reasonably-current Macs on the cheap. You'll notice that the Mac models specified for the trade-in program will all run Panther when it ships; sounds to us like Mikey's getting ready to replace all his company's Wintels with Macs. Ridiculous, you say? Hey, it's no goofier than when Motorola replaced all its Macs with PCs running the competition's processor...

Here's a seemingly off-topic quickie whose relevance will soon become apparent: faithful viewer Hat69 tipped us off to a Fortune article about still another in the endless line of Microsoft lawsuits. But this isn't just another piddly little Department of Justice antitrust suit, whose worst possible consequence is a slap on the wrist and no Nintendo for a week; this one has the potential to do some actual damage.

It seems that some tiny outfit called InterTrust Technologies slapped Microsoft with a lawsuit last year, alleging that the Redmond Beast had infringed several of its patents related to digital security technology in not one, not two, but nearly all of Microsoft's shipping products-- 85% of the entire product line, to be exact. Reportedly Microsoft suffered "utter defeat" at an important pretrial hearing in this case just last month, at which the judge ruled against the company on "33 of 33 disputed issues" and yelled at Microsoft's lawyers for "promising proof that never materialized." If Microsoft continues "getting trounced" this way, it may eventually be required to pay royalties on every copy of Windows XP sold, every Windows Media Player distributed, every Xbox shipped-- well, the dollars can really pile up.

There's no official word on what sort of damages and/or settlement InterTrust may be seeking, but people speculate that it's going to run into the billions. So, now we ask: does any of this sound familiar? Tiny company ("it consists mainly of a patent portfolio, thirty employees, and this lawsuit") you've never heard of sues multibillion-dollar big name for a sum with at least nine zeroes in it, based on patent infringement in one or more products essential to the big company's continued existence? That's right, folks: Imatec rides again! Anyone care to bet that one of InterTrust's thirty employees just happens to be Dr. Hanoch Shalit?

Nah, just kidding; whereas Imatec's suit against Apple was an obvious shakedown attempt with no merit whatsoever, for all we know this InterTrust thing is the real deal; the judge certainly seems to think so. Hey Microsoft-- we have the perfect defense for you! Simply put forth that you couldn't possibly have infringed any patents relating to security, because none of your products has any security! You should have an easy enough time proving that, what with all the news stories about viruses and potentially catastrophic exploits out there. Don't say we never did anything for you.