Okay, people, we know you're all very excited about the Apple Store San Francisco having its grand opening a week from Saturday, but it's possible that you might want to take the enthusiasm down a notch or two. Don't get us wrong, we're completely thrilled that Apple is opening another multistory glass-staircase oh-so-swanky chunk of retail heaven on earth, and nothing could make us happier than knowing that the store's opening will clearly be mobbed with screaming fans who will give the store the insanely high-energy debut it so richly deserves. (If you live within a thousand miles, you are going to be there on the 28th, right?) But maybe-- and this is just a suggestion, mind you-- just maybe you might want to stop shy of breaking and entering. Just a thought.

See, faithful viewer Victor tipped us off to a Wired article which reports that "several people have tried to sneak onto the unfinished store's construction site," allegedly to "get a sneak peek at the interior." Apparently a glass staircase is just something you have to see in person to appreciate, and waiting another two weeks would have led to permanent staircase-deprivation-related brain damage. Quoth a security guard who "had to roust some people a couple of days ago," "they wanted pictures, but that's not allowed. No way." Here's hoping the rousted survive their photoless, staircaseless ordeal long enough to attend the legal shindig. For what it's worth, the security guards are apologetic, and just doing their jobs: "I know it's absurd, but that's Apple's mentality, not mine; Apple acts like it's the Pentagon."

Ah, but who says it isn't? (Da da da DUMMMMMM!!!) We have a sneaking suspicion that the shutterbugs who keep trying to break into the construction site aren't after the staircase at all, but rather clues as to the nature of the Mystery Grab Bags. You've heard about these, right? Faithful viewer craig informs us that local Apple customers received email invitations to the store's opening which describes "a one-time-only San Francisco Grand Opening exclusive offer: purchase one of 200 gift bags that include over $600 worth of Apple products for $249." Why, it's a bargain at twice the price-- literally! The only catch, of course, is that you have to assume that the $600 worth of Apple gear is actually stuff you want, need, or don't already own-- and frankly, that's a bit of a risk. We strongly suspect that all these break-in attempts are actually perpetrated by customers trying to get a handle on what their $249 might get them.

So will Apple actually find 200 people willing to gamble a quarter-grand apiece on the Mystery Grab Bags? Well, considering we're talking about an audience so crazed they're trying to break into a construction site two weeks before the store opens, somehow we don't think the company will have much trouble moving the merchandise. Meanwhile, we don't have any dirt we can dish you on the contents of the bags, but considering the price and the fact that they're just regular-sized tote bags, we're going to have to make a wild stab at it and figure that some form of iPod enters the mix-- perhaps a miniPod or two-- possibly with an iTunes Music Store gift certificate and some other stuff. But hey, what do we know? Maybe it's just a big bag full of thirty empty AirPort Card Adapters. Ooooh, adapty!

We're going to get right back to our ongoing Stevular Disney drama in a second, here, but can we just add one more teensy piece of unrelated evidence that Michael Eisner is bleeding the spirit right out of Disney even as he's draining the value out of the company's stock? Because, see, we took yesterday off because it was President's Day, which is one of this country's most sacred holidays. It's a day on which we, as a nation, reflect on the many accomplishments of our past great leaders by sleeping in, skipping work, and buying appliances at low, low prices. Besides, what plot advancements could we possibly miss, since any reasonably nontreasonous U.S.-based company would be all but shut down? But no: the Eisnerian Disney saw fit to disrespect our past, present, and future Commanders in Chief by actually doing stuff yesterday, instead of taking lots of naps and going to the mall and buying half-price cordless drills as was the duty of every patriotic American.

See, according to CNET (who, instead of shopping, was writing articles on President's Day-- don't think we missed that little infraction, folks), Disney's board of directors announced yesterday that it has reviewed the buyout offer floated publicly last week by Comcast and is going to pass, stating that it "has confidence in the business, financial, and creative direction of Disney under the leadership of Michael Eisner and his management team." Ridiculous? Well, sure, it's ridiculous, but you have to remember that anyone on the board who isn't an Eisner crony (personally installed by him as a convenient Yes Man) was either ousted last year or quit in disgust, so while the board's claimed confidence in Eisner may indeed be ludicrous, it isn't exactly surprising. At any rate, Steve Jobs is presumably happy about the rejection, since it's been said that he was trying to rally some counteroffers last week. Of course, Comcast could always attempt a hostile takeover anyway, we suppose, but we don't think they want to give us that much material.

Meanwhile, in response to Steve's snarky anti-Eisner comments during the recent Pixar earnings conference call, apparently Eisner took a shot or two of his own: faithful viewer Marc points out a Reuters article quoting Eisner as saying that Steve "created the computer, or at least Windows, or whatever he created, and did a good job," which reportedly prompted "peals of laughter" from the analysts he was addressing. Of course, it's not entirely clear to us that Eisner was indeed being sarcastic and the analysts were laughing with him or if he really is clueless enough to have been serious, and the analysts were laughing at him. (Remember how he whined to the feds that "Rip. Mix. Burn." was commanding Apple customers to pirate music? Riiiight.) Still, we'll give him the benefit of the doubt on this one, seeing as he also said "Acquisitions? Oh-- we're buying Comcast!" No one's that confused. But plenty of people mistakenly think they're that funny.

Somehow we can't see ol' Walt approving of Eisner's base sarcasm, although, hey, we'll take the drama any way we can get it. Steve, however, seems unwilling to stoop to Eisner's "look how clever I am because I said something that's the opposite of reality and that makes it hilarious" level of humor. Instead of saying that "Eisner invented Mickey Mouse so he must be really cool," he's sticking with the subtler and more diplomatic jabs: according to the San Francisco Chronicle, recently "Jobs went so far as to declare that Pixar had surpassed Disney as 'the most powerful and trusted brand in animation.'" Which is, of course, just a classier way of saying that Disney under Eisner's rule churns out dreck. (Meanwhile, "dreck" is, of course, just our classier way of saying "crap.")

Gee, now which of these two leaders do you suppose Walt might pick if given the choice? If this sniping goes on much longer, someone's going to have to defrost his head and ask.

Break-ins at retail stores and Mystery Grab Bags? Still more Jobs-vs.-Eisner Disney hijinks? And now we're about to dredge up that completely worn-into-the-ground "silence for sale" iTunes thing. Slowly, the horror of what you're witnessing dawns on you: it's an all-Macless AtAT episode! It's like some nightmarish sweeps stunt gone terribly awry! AIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!

Oh, calm down; a day without any Mac coverage isn't going to kill you. We just wanted to see if it could be done, okay? And if Apple is going to spend all its time repricing silent tracks at the iTMS instead of shipping new Macs of some sort, well, we just go where the drama takes us, folks.

That's right, we said "repricing silent tracks." As you may have noticed, last week we used up at least thirteen of our fifteen minutes of fame when, for some reason, the mainstream press decided that our fluff scene on 99-cent downloadable silent tracks was "real news" of some sort, and the story wound up at MacMinute, CNET, several outlets like the San Francisco Chronicle that syndicate CNET, and even the New York Times (yes, including the dead tree edition-- we're getting it framed). In fact, CNN even called to talk to us, but it appears that the world regained its senses before that organization ever published an article. Still, the whole silence thing really made the rounds.

What's interesting is that the track that kicked off the media brouhaha, Ciccone Youth's minute-long "(Silence)," quietly dropped its 99-cent price tag a while after we broadcast that scene, and became "ALBUM ONLY." So instead of paying 99 cents to hear nothing, you'd have to shell out ten clams to hear nothing alongside a bunch of something-- which may defeat the whole purpose of the nothing, depending on the effect you were going for. When questioned about the change, Apple told the New York Times that the band had requested it; however, that came as news to the band itself.

See, according to his follow-up article (yes, this story is spawning follow-ups, heaven help us all), David Gallagher at the Times managed to get a copy of email to Apple from Lee Ranaldo of Ciccone/Sonic Youth, who was puzzled by the sudden album-only status of "(Silence)": "We are very happy for the track to be sold to anyone who wants it as an individual download." Far from being an unusually long "spacer track" on the album, "(Silence)" was "a very intentional 'piece' on [the band's] part" and its sale shouldn't be restricted to album-only, since that was "against [the band's] ideas and sensibility." Apple acknowledged that it thought it had simply been correcting a mistake, and had gotten the go-ahead from the band's label; the label admitted that the approval had come from an employee who hadn't actually checked with the band first.

But in any of you were all geared up to download "(Silence)" last week and found yourself stymied by the sudden ALBUM ONLYness of the track, you'll be pleased to hear that Apple has put things back the way they were. Download away. And get this: "(Silence)" is currently listed on the iTMS as the top download among all Ciccone Youth tracks. See? There really is a market for 99-cent silence. Who knew?

And lookee here: you made through an entire AtAT episode completely Mac-free! Not a Mac-related plot point in sight! Wasn't that bracing? Don't you feel refreshed and revitalized and not at all like there are bugs crawling all over your skin?

No, no, and no again. Huh.

Oh, all right, here: Think Secret claims that revised Power Mac G5s won't surface until March. Happy now?