Yet another Stevenote address has come and gone, and by now we're sure you've heard that there were few surprises in store for the Seybold audience. We now have the official word that the PowerBook G3 line is being revamped with standard 14.1" screens, but there was no new information about the consumer portable. Mac OS 8.5 will ship in October, and Mac OS X will be out over a little over a year from now. Nothing we haven't heard before. There's a great rundown of the major points at Mac OS Rumors.

In fact, there wasn't much new information at all, except for a startling revelation that Steve let slip during the Applescript demonstration. Applescript, as you are all no doubt aware, is a remarkably versatile scripting system, and can be used to do just about anything-- which is why Steve finally admitted that Apple has "written a big Applescript, and it's actually running the company." Say hello to the virtual CEO. The cat's out of the bag, now.

And for those of you who assumed that Steve's comment was simply a joke, well, that's what they want you to think. Wake up and smell the coffee, kids... Apple Computer isn't the only entity being run entirely by huge chunks of Applescript code. That's right... after shining a desk lamp on an "X" taped onto our window, a mysterious agent showed up and revealed what we've long suspected to be true: the President of this country doesn't hold any real power, and it doesn't lie in the hands of some supersecret consortium, either. The U. S. government is run entirely by a gigantic Applescript running on a single 7100/80. The reason it's kept a secret is that Apple thinks the truth would be bad for business; after all, the government is big, slow, and incomprehensible-- what kind of advertising is that? However, with the new PPC-native Applescript in Mac OS 8.5, we hope that the artificial intelligence built into the government's script will automatically trigger an OS upgrade for an up-to-fourfold increase in speed. But given the script's seemingly arbitrary spending choices, we're not holding our breath.

Apparently the Department of Justice finds Bill Gates' statements during his "Redmond Justice" deposition to be somewhat incriminating. A recent plot twist revealed Microsoft's request to have the entire case dismissed, on the basis of its appellate court victory which overturned last December's infamous preliminary injunction. Since the appeals court ruling essentially gave them the right to tie Internet Explorer to Windows, they are arguing that the government now has no case.

But the DoJ is fighting back. Despite Gates' best Ollie North impersonation during last week's deposition ("Mr. Gates, what is your relationship with the software company Microsoft?" "I don't recall-- I'd have to see the company in question before answering."), the government apparently believes that at least least some of what they could squeeze out of him is incriminating enough to warrant proceeding with the case. According to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, the government has filed a "lengthy document" that quotes Gates' deposition to support its request that Microsoft's move for dismissal be rejected. Meanwhile, the Unsinkable Billy Gates is slotted for a third day of depositions on Wednesday, because he was apparently so "argumentative" that the DoJ was unable to get all of their questions answered last week. Or is the government simply getting desperate to dig up some solid evidence of wrongdoing, with the big trial looming only a few weeks away?

That's right-- the blockbuster season premiere of "Redmond Justice" is currently scheduled for September 23rd. Assuming that the DoJ is able to prevent the case from being dismissed outright, we should have some pretty juicy courtroom drama brewing for the new fall season. Of course, if the case is dismissed, it means a premature cancellation of such a promising new show...