Man, what is it with Intel's chip names lately? First there was the Pentium-- now, that's a pretty solid moniker, if you ask us. It's got that vaguely Roman-gods ancient feel, while also sounding like a newly-discovered chemical element. And it's got a root of "pent," which means five, as in "586." So we think they had a winner in that name, and we're not surprised that they went with "Pentium II" and "Pentium III" (note the Roman numerals) instead of introducing new names as the opportunities arose. If it ain't broke, don't rename it.

But then there was the Celeron. What exactly was up with that? We can't help but think that the team appointed to name Intel's new lower-power, lower-cost processor for consumer-level systems stayed up all night before the deadline getting stoned, munching on celery sticks and watching Cylon Centurions on old Battlestar Galactica tapes. To us, the name "Celeron" evokes nothing more than crunchy green vegetables and big shiny robot-dudes with glowing red eyes. It's not exactly what we'd call the most effectively-named product on the market.

And now, Intel has announced that they've picked a name for the next-generation processor known to the world by its code name of "Merced." The code name itself was problematic; people who aren't familiar with the term are prone to wonder if it's pronounced "murrKED" or "murrSED" or even "MURRKD" (the past-tense form of the verb "to merc"?). And while the new, official name for the 64-bit processor destined for high-end workstations and servers next year is easier to pronounce, it's dorky in other ways. Ladies and gentlemen, courtesy of an Associated Press article, we give you-- Itanium.

Yes, Itanium. As in, "Titanium" after the "T" fell off. Perhaps after the "Celeron" debacle, Intel decided that the whole "-ium" thing worked so well before, they should stick with the tried and true, but in our humble opinion, Itanium just sounds like a really strong metal that's falling apart. Ah, well... perhaps when the next chip comes along they'll strike Pentium gold again. If nothing else, we have to admit that at least Intel's processor names are more interesting than Motorola's "PowerPC 7400," or even Apple's "G4" nickname. Then again, if the only other option is a name like "Celeron" or "Itanium," we'll stick with the numbers, thanks.