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Shame Is For The Poor (10/17/99)
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Rule 6 in the Bill Gates Guide To World Domination: If you can't beat 'em, cut their funding. The latest gigglefest in the ongoing "Redmond Justice" struggle first came to our attention on Friday, when faithful viewer Todd Wheeler pointed out a Washington Post article about Microsoft's latest strategy to free themselves from their sticky Department of Justice woes. Get this: despite the fact that they're actively engaged in a massive public antitrust battle against the government agency, Microsoft apparently figures there's nothing wrong with "aggressively pressing Congress to reduce next year's proposed funding for the Justice Department's antitrust division."
Oh, brother. We're rendered almost speechless by the sheer baldfacedness of it all. Luckily, others are stepping in to provide a wealth of wonderful quotes. Take, for example, the same Post article, which includes the line, "it is more uncommon to seek an across-the-board cut in a department's budget, especially in the middle of a major court battle." Intentionally funny, or is it just the deadpan delivery? You be the judge. Then there's a Reuters report, forwarded to us by faithful viewer Porsupah, which is filled with gems: an anonymous member of the Washington antitrust bar noted that Microsoft's actions are "like the Mafia trying to defund the FBI," while a Microsoft spokesman admits to "talking" to members of Congress about the proposed funding cuts, but states that it's "not a major priority of Microsoft." (Apparently derailing the government's antitrust division is just a hobby.)
But the winner of this week's Award for Sheer Irony goes to Senator Slade Gorton (R) who, according to The Register, lobbied for the reduction in DoJ funds on the grounds that the department has "demonised the most innovative, extraordinary world-changing engine for progress that this world may ever have seen." Wow, we had no idea that the DoJ was going after Gutenberg and his moveable type. Whoops, no, sorry-- our mistake; Gorton's actually talking about Microsoft. Can somebody order a drug test, please? We strongly suspect we've discovered Steve's supplier for that bad brown acid...
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 10/17/99 episode: October 17, 1999: Steve puts on his Humble Hat and apologizes publicly to the masses. Meanwhile, Apple's lab gnomes continue to tinker with the next PowerBook, whose battery life may soon be longer than the average Road Rules marathon, and Microsoft sends in the political muscle to reduce the Justice Department's antitrust funding...
Other scenes from that episode: 1848: Straight And Sorry (10/17/99) Well, it's official: Apple has in fact reinstated all those pre-October 13th G4 orders that it had originally cancelled. In fact, it's not just official, it's officially official-- instead of simply contacting the affected customers, Apple's issued an honest-to-goodness public press release announcing the decision's reversal, admitting the screw-up, and apologizing for what some might call a "regrettable error in judgment" and others might call "one seriously boneheaded move."... 1849: 20 Episodes of "Alice" (10/17/99) Okay, now that we've got cool new iMacs on the shelves, iBooks trickling into the channel (albeit at the rate of a tranquilized sloth), and the brand-new Power Mac G4 ("Now even slower for your safety!"), it's time for Apple to focus on updating the fourth quadrant of its Amazing Grid O' Products...
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