As the Apple Turns: Scene 2077: We Should Be Certified (2/6/00)

We Should Be Certified (2/6/00)

When Apple announced that the new iMacs had an easy-access door that made RAM upgrades a simple and painless procedure, did you roll your eyes heavenward and wonder what all the fuss was about? Were you the one who once gleefully flipped your Bondi Blue iMac face-down and surgically removed its polycarbonate shell without so much as a tinge of anxiety? And did you then replace the preinstalled RAM SO-DIMM in the iMac's infamous "bottom slot" with a smile on your face and nary a flutter of nerves, scoffing at the recommendation that said operation only be performed by an "Apple-certified technician"? Hmmmm... sounds like you've got the right stuff for the job.

See, while the Mac may be "the computer for the rest of us" who aren't particularly thrilled with the prospect of digging around in the guts of our computers, the fact is, some of us like that kind of stuff. It's a Wintel-propagated myth that all Mac users are computer novices who'd faint at the sight of a bare processor slot. So if you're the one everybody calls when their Macs and PowerBooks fail to boot, crash when printing, need more RAM, frown and get X's for eyes, or emit acrid smoke following a short stint in the microwave, maybe you've wondered just what it takes to become one of those stalwart and fearless Apple-certified technicians. Well, good news: now all it takes is a $299 order at the Apple Store.

Yes, it's the debut of Apple's new AppleCare Technician Training program, a set of CD-ROMs in a box that can mold your raw, untamed aptitude for Mac repair into a refined and tutored set of skills worthy of bearing the Apple logo. You get Apple's own diagnostic software, "valuable reference materials," and everything you need to prepare for that final hurdle-- the AppleCare Service Certification Exam. What they don't mention up front is that you'll have to shell out another unspecified amount to take the exam at "any convenient Sylvan Prometric testing center," and you'll have to pass before you get Apple's seal of approval to start poking around in other people's Macs without voiding their warranties. But hey, $299 is a small price to pay to join the elite corps of certified repair technicians. Provided the exam fee isn't too much, that is.

We figured we'd indulge our inquisitive nature and follow up on this a bit more. We poked around Sylvan Prometric's web site and found that while there are indeed several testing centers nearby, we couldn't for the life of us find any information about pricing. Eventually we called the toll-free number provided to register for Apple exams: (888) APL-EXAM. An extensive recorded message announced that the formerly-separate Mac and PowerBook exams have been merged. When we finally got hold of a real live human, she professed utter ignorance of the new AppleCare Technician Training program, and getting her to tell us how much the standard tests cost was like pulling teeth with a pair of tweezers and a nutpick. Finally she admitted that the LaserWriter and Mac/PowerBook exams cost a mere $125 apiece-- a bargain, if you ask us. But the woman on the phone claimed that in a week, the Mac/PowerBook exam was being split into two separate tests again; evidently the combination listed in the recording didn't work out. And did we mention that, according to the recording, the tests are "provided in a DOS/Windows environment," whatever the heck that means? We find ourselves still unclear on whether these exams are taken at a testing center or in one's home. We assume that navigating this baffling ordeal is all part of the exam-- the endurance and patience section, perhaps?

SceneLink (2077)

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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

The above scene was taken from the 2/6/00 episode:

February 6, 2000: Just itching to take apart your iBook without voiding your warranty? Maybe the new AppleCare Technician Training program is for you. Meanwhile, a loose-lipped aide spills about Jeb Bush's mysterious visit to Apple recently, and the next iMac isn't bigger-- it's smaller...

Other scenes from that episode:

2078: Goon Squad Calling (2/6/00) Apparently Apple's highly-paid team of coverup artists are slipping a bit these days; perhaps the excitement over the Lone Gunmen getting their own spin-off has thrown them off their game or something...
2079: What's Past Is Prelude (2/6/00) It's scoop time! Everyone on earth is waiting for Pismo, the next PowerBook. Plenty of folks are expecting an iBook revision, too, expecting a Graphite model with DVD. And more than a few are still holding out hope that faster and/or multiprocessor Power Mac G4 systems are just around the corner...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


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