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The 11-Letter "B" Word (4/26/00)
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So everyone finally agrees that Apple's back from the dead, right? The only holdouts still claiming that the company's in danger of going under are the same ones in straitjackets who think that the government is genetically engineering invisible insects that crawl in your ear, nest in your brain, and live off the fluoride in the water supply as they broadcast your thoughts back to Washington via satellite. (Which is, of course, just crazy; everyone knows those bugs subsist entirely on the radiation emitted from TV sets and microwave ovens.)
Okay, so if we're all in agreement that Apple's in no danger of imminent financial collapse, we should probably officially retire the adjective "beleaguered." Back in the day, there was no "Apple"-- only "beleaguered Apple." "Beleaguered" was to "Apple" what "mercurial" was to "Steve Jobs"; inseparable. And it's to Apple's credit that the company has managed to shed that tag in only two years (although we still encounter references to "once-beleaguered Apple" now and again). But let's consider this for a moment; why retire a perfectly good adjective just because it doesn't fit Apple anymore? As faithful viewer Adam Bezark recommends, "isn't it about time to take that last, delicious step? Forget about Compaq; let's pass the 'B' word on to a company that truly deserves it. 'Beleaguered Microsoft.' What a sweet sound."
Sounds to us like Adam's on to something there-- and guess what? The press is already starting to agree. Faithful viewer Avi Rappoport passed on a link to an article in the SF Chronicle that actually starts off like this: "Beleaguered isn't a word usually associated with Microsoft. But yesterday, amid a $72 billion drop in market value and word that the government this week may file a proposal seeking to break up the company, the shoe appeared to fit." Hey, Microsoft has taken so much from Apple over the years; it's only fitting that it takes the term "beleaguered" as well...
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SceneLink (2256)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 4/26/00 episode: April 26, 2000: Unimpeachable, rock-solid sources claim that the Apple handheld will surface in three weeks; we also have a bridge to sell you. Meanwhile, Steve Ballmer's assertion that Microsoft won't be broken up seems a little premature now that the nineteen states in the suit are reportedly on board with that particular remedy. Isn't it about time that Apple passes the "beleaguered" mantle on to Microsoft?...
Other scenes from that episode: 2254: Gasping For Breath (4/26/00) Nature abhors a vacuum-- and so does the world of Apple rumors. We can only assume that Steve's been on a leak-plugging rampage lately, because in recent month's the air supply's been mighty thin for those of us who live and breathe that tantalizing "inside info" about those different thinkers out there in Cupertino... 2255: Saying Don't Make It So (4/26/00) We were tuned in to "Redmond Justice" the other day, and we decided that sometimes you just gotta hand it to Steve Ballmer. According to a Reuters article, on Monday morning the Microsoft CEO rallied his troops by sending out company-wide email to allay fears of the governmental penalties heading for the corporation like a runaway freight train...
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