Definition: Slow News Day (8/2/00)

The infamous "Apple Vacuum" has struck, and we're not talking about some translucent, swoopy Jonathan Ive-designed carpet cleaner that generates suction via fanless convection cooling. (Although that does sound cool; anyone up for an Apple-Oreck collaboration?) We're talking about the complete and utter lack of interesting Mac news that always settles in after the Sturm und Drang of the Expo. Most people assume that the deadly lull blankets the scene right after the show closes; not so. Typically there's plenty of fat to chew for about a week to ten days after the Mac faithful drag their weary and swag-laden mortal coils home from the convention center, and then whammo-- utter silence, like that awkward pause on a date when you both run out of conversation.

It's always right about this time that we really start feeling sorry for newspeople tasked with covering the world of Apple. Your friendly neighborhood AtAT staff is not tethered by any pretensions to journalistic integrity, so we can always just make something up about Steve's addiction to Atomic Bowling, or digress unmercifully into a detailed analysis of whether or not Tobey Maguire can really pull off the Peter Parker/Spider-Man role in the upcoming movie. Real news shows are instead stuck scrabbling for crumbs in the barren aftermath of the Expo's feeding frenzy. Want proof? Exhibit A: a CNET article about how Apple doesn't ship any Macs with CD-RW drives. Now that's hitting rock-bottom.

Yes, kids, it's an actual thousand-word article that breaks this shocking news: Macs don't come with CD-RW drives. If customers want to make their own CDs, they need to buy an external drive, which is apparently unthinkable because it turns "the all-in-one iMac into a two-part affair." This startling news is followed by statistics and sales figures revealing CD-RW's exploding popularity, quotes from no fewer than three analysts who weigh the pros and cons of Apple's evident anti-CD-RW stance, and the fact that "Apple failed to respond to repeated requests for comment." Repeated requests. These guys actually called Apple multiple times asking for comment on the Great CD-RW Scandal of 2000. All that's missing are big USA Today-style pie graphs showing the ramifications of Apple's no-CD-RW policy on the price of pork bellies, the weather patterns in Nevada, and Leonardo DiCaprio's career.

Note that we're not saying that Apple shouldn't build CD-RW drives into its iMacs. We'd like to see it as a build-to-order option at the Apple Store, though personally we'd rather have an integrated DVD-ROM drive, ourselves. It's just that CNET's latest is a terrific example of what happens two weeks after the Expo when reporters on the Apple beat still have to crank out stories. And thank Steve they do, because at least it gives us something to write about...

SceneLink (2456)
And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


The above scene was taken from the 8/2/00 episode:

August 2, 2000: Slow news day? CNET's Mac reporters are so desperate for news that they actually wrote an in-depth report on the lack of CD-RW drives in Apple computers. Meanwhile, an outfit called GlobalPC decides to raid Apple's ad cupboard, and columnist Hiawatha Bray has clearly been absorbing just a little too much RDF lately...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 2455: 2000 Is JUST Like 1984 (8/2/00)   Okay, it's not like we should be surprised when a PC manufacturer rips off an Apple innovation. It's practically an industry membership requirement these days. We should even be used to those PC guys stealing something Apple came up with several years ago; after all, Apple's usually pretty far ahead of the curve...

  • 2457: Steve Is All, All Is Steve (8/2/00)   This scene was originally scheduled for yesterday's episode, but Steve Ballmer's public declaration that "Linux = Communism" posed far too great an opportunity for us to pass up. So, like the National Spelling Bee champion waiting in the green room when George Clooney does a surprise walk-on appearance on Leno, it got bumped...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this Ď90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
Iím trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(375 votes)

DISCLAIMER: AtAT was not a news site any more than Inside Edition was a "real" news show. We made Dawson's Creek look like 60 Minutes. We engaged in rampant guesswork, wild speculation, and pure fabrication for the entertainment of our viewers. Sure, everything here was "inspired by actual events," but so was Amityville II: The Possession. So lighten up.

Site best viewed with a sense of humor. AtAT is not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Keep hands inside car at all times. The drinking of beverages while watching AtAT is strongly discouraged; AtAT is not responsible for damage, discomfort, or staining caused by spit-takes or "nosers."

Everything you see here that isn't attributed to other parties is copyright ©,1997-2020 J. Miller and may not be reproduced or rebroadcast without his explicit consent (or possibly the express written consent of Major League Baseball, but we doubt it).