Steve Is All, All Is Steve (8/2/00)

This scene was originally scheduled for yesterday's episode, but Steve Ballmer's public declaration that "Linux = Communism" posed far too great an opportunity for us to pass up. So, like the National Spelling Bee champion waiting in the green room when George Clooney does a surprise walk-on appearance on Leno, it got bumped. Hey, it happens. That's show biz.

What we were going to tell you about before Ballmer opened his mighty yap (and stuck his mighty foot into it) was Hiawatha Bray's latest column, pointed out to us by faithful viewer Timothy Thomas. Bray, you may recall, was one of Apple's staunchest detractors in the press-- though these days you'd never know it. His latest work is just one more in an ever-increasing line of Apple love-fests, and each one is more positive than the last. In fact, this latest one is almost totally devoid of any criticism at all, other than his comments about how "Windows has been better than the Mac's operating system in several important respects... [but] Mac OS X is supposed to fix all this." But then he goes on to gush like a twelve-year-old N'Sync fan about how cool Mac OS X will be. It's truly a marvel to behold.

But has Bray gone too far? At the end of the article he says that he actually shook Steve's hand at the Expo and admitted he had been wrong when he predicted that the iMac would be a flop. What?! Forget our original theory that Bray had been quietly assassinated and replaced with an Apple-grown clone; clearly this is the real Bray, but he's suffering from an acute Reality Distortion Field overdose. Code Blue! Code Blue! Quick, get this man thirty CCs of Megahertz Envy, stat! And follow it up with an IV push of New Macs on Backorder, coupled with intensive Apple Display Connector Incompatibility therapy. We can only pray we're not too late.

SceneLink (2457)
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The above scene was taken from the 8/2/00 episode:

August 2, 2000: Slow news day? CNET's Mac reporters are so desperate for news that they actually wrote an in-depth report on the lack of CD-RW drives in Apple computers. Meanwhile, an outfit called GlobalPC decides to raid Apple's ad cupboard, and columnist Hiawatha Bray has clearly been absorbing just a little too much RDF lately...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 2455: 2000 Is JUST Like 1984 (8/2/00)   Okay, it's not like we should be surprised when a PC manufacturer rips off an Apple innovation. It's practically an industry membership requirement these days. We should even be used to those PC guys stealing something Apple came up with several years ago; after all, Apple's usually pretty far ahead of the curve...

  • 2456: Definition: Slow News Day (8/2/00)   The infamous "Apple Vacuum" has struck, and we're not talking about some translucent, swoopy Jonathan Ive-designed carpet cleaner that generates suction via fanless convection cooling. (Although that does sound cool; anyone up for an Apple-Oreck collaboration?)...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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