We imagine that Steve Jobs is off in his Fortress of Solitude reflecting on the frustrations of hanging wallpaper: push a bubble down, and watch it pop up somewhere else. Because if he really is behind a master scheme to hobble the release of Alan Deutschmann's upcoming tell-all biography, The Second Coming of Steve Jobs, then his diabolical machinations are just pushing down bubbles. Take, for example, Vanity Fair's cancelled plans to publish excerpts from the book in its October issue; Deutschmann has publicly stated that he smells the subtle scent of Steve lingering in the air following that sudden change of heart. And since Random House, the book's publisher, has admitted that Steve called its top dog for "undisclosed reasons" (gee, we wonder what the topic of discussion could possibly have been?), it's not all that unlikely that Steve gave an earful to the magazine's execs as well. We imagine it went something like this: "Hello, Vanity Fair? Steve Jobs here. You know those excerpts from that hatchet job you were planning to publish next month? Uh-huh. Well, you know that Apple advertising contract we discussed? One word: Yoink! Are we clear? Later."

For whatever reason, even though the publication had paid to run them, Vanity Fair cancelled those excerpts, citing a last minute "lack of space." But if Steve did somehow influence that decision, he's probably none too pleased with the latest development in the hatchet-job saga: according to MacCentral, Talk magazine has snatched up those juicy Jobsian tidbits and plans to run them in its October issue. Talk is run by Tina Brown, the former editor-in-chief of Vanity Fair, so it's nice to see that those excerpts are being kept in the family. The bottom line for you, of course, is that if you're too cheap to shell out for Deutschmann's book, you can pick up a magazine instead and opt for a lower dose of Jobs juice. Whatever floats your boat.

With the Unsinkable Tina Brown at the helm (who's probably giggling with glee over scooping her former Vanity Fair bosses), we doubt that a call from Steve is going to cancel those excerpts this time around. Which means if our favorite iCEO is serious about keeping those unflattering words off the newsstands, he's going to have to play hardball. One tip, Steve-- kidnapping is a federal offense, and a stretch in the jar will only make the next biography even muddier. So play it cool.