Okay, so the U.S. is in a state of higgledy-piggledy following an election whose script exhibits a serious lack of closure. Right now everyone's sort of freaked out, because no one knows for sure who's going to be President come Inauguration Day. Personally, we're not all that disturbed, since all we need to know for sure is that whoever wins, it's not going to be Steve Jobs-- and frankly, we find that sad fact shocking in the extreme. We were sure that wearing those "Steve Jobs For President" T-shirts last Tuesday would have generated a sufficient number of write-in votes to win Uncle Steve a four-year stint in the White House. Evidently something went horribly, horribly wrong. We figure it's a vast right-wing conspiracy.

But fear not-- just because as of right now the world's number-one superpower will be leaderless come January 20th, that doesn't mean you have to dwell on uncertainty and doubt. Ditch that poorly-scripted Presidential Election nonsense and take a look at a real election-- one that actually, you know, ends and stuff. We recommend UPSIDE magazine's "Elite 100" list-- the list of "high tech's top 100 high rollers for 2000." For one thing, the results are actually available. Now. As in, it's done. Finished. Over. Not "too close to call." That alone should be enough to get your attention.

Better yet, whereas there was barely a single mention of Steve Jobs throughout the ongoing Presidential Election coverage, Apple's Man With A Plan comes in at a healthy number 5 in UPSIDE's list of dazzlin' digerati. He's beaten out only by Steve Case of AOL, Carly Fiorina of Hewlett-Packard, his best friend Larry Ellison of Oracle (oooo, that's going to create some tension), and Scott McNealy of Sun. All in all, a pretty decent ranking-- especially since Bill Gates is number 7. (Incidentally, Michael Dell is at number 12-- sorry, Mike, but your Steve act's going to have to get a bit more polished before the two of you tie for fifth.)

We've only got one real gripe about UPSIDE's rankings: Steve's fifth-place standing may be decent when taken on its own merits, but compared to last year's results it's practically a panning. Yes, in 1999 Uncle Steve placed first in the list-- Numero Uno, the Top Dog, the Big Cheese. In fact, it was Steve's first-place Elite 100 ranking last year that prompted us to suggest that the man run for President in 2000. Hmmm... maybe we should have kept our yaps shut in the first place... but it's all UPSIDE's fault. We swear.