Apple's massive push to reduce channel inventory continues, as the clock runs down and the end of the calendar year approaches like a runaway freight train. When last we heard, the company had about eleven weeks' worth of gear out there, and clearing the channel for 2001 is a Herculean task; whether or not you buy Steve's "global economic slowdown" theory, there's no denying that consumers just aren't up for buying personal computers this holiday season. To get those Macs off the shelves and into people's homes, Apple has evidently been channeling Lucy Ricardo in a desperate bid to try scheme after scheme, hoping that something will stick.

Perhaps the most conservative (and widely-reaching) strategy so far has been "Rebate Madness." Anyone who keeps up with Apple's promotions page is well aware that the company has been introducing mail-in rebate programs roughly at the rate of two an hour. Currently customers can get checks back for buying a PowerBook, or for purchasing a Power Mac G4, or for taking home one of those poor, maligned Cubes together with an Apple display. Add more RAM at the Apple Store and get even more cash mailed to you. And if you're the Microsoft Office type, there's a rebate for you, too.

But a plethora of rebates simply isn't cutting the mustard, if Apple's other sales incentives are any indication. According to MacCentral, Apple's latest scheme was to email $150 electronic coupons to several of the Apple Store's best customers. (AtAT didn't qualify, having purchased only the Mac OS X public beta in the past year. "Bad consumer! No coupon!") The offer purports to be celebrating the Apple Store's third anniversary by awarding big-ticket buyers with a "thank you gift," but anyone who believes that thinly-veiled excuse instead of regarding the program as a last-ditch end-of-quarter push to move product (even when faced with the coupon's oh-so-convenient December 19th expiration date) should probably reduce the dosage on those gullibility supplements.

And if the "let's mail coupons to big spenders who bought Macs at the Apple Store in the past" strategy doesn't reek of desperation, how about free polar fleece with every order? Well, okay, not every order, but as faithful viewer Michael informed us, the Apple Store for Education Individuals is offering a "free Apple logo polar fleece sweatshirt" with any build-to-order Mac system. And-- surprise, surprise-- the offer is only valid until December 31st. Personally, we're holding out for the inevitable "Buy a Mac by the end of the year and Steve Jobs will clean your garage" promotion, ourselves.