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Branded With A Big Fat "L" (12/29/00)
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The man returned to the company he cofounded a quarter of a century ago, staunched a billion dollars a year in financial bleeding, restored the strength of the Apple brand, and introduced a paradigm-breaking all-in-one computer that prompted three straight years of profitability and launched a worldwide lust for bright colors and translucency in everything from toothbrushes to kitchen appliances. But what's he done for us lately? You're only as good as your last hit, and unfortunately, while the Cube captured rave reviews from the critics, it failed to race up the charts like the iMac. To make matters worse, the premium-priced Cube hit the market just in time for this here "economic slowdown" that's got all the pundits jabbering about people eating their own offspring and burning furniture for warmth; those aren't exactly ideal market conditions in which a $1799 art computer can thrive. Toss a still-not-ready-for-prime-time Mac OS X into the mix, and 2000 wasn't a particularly happy year for Steve Jobs-- free jet or no free jet.
Still, does Apple's impending plunge back into the red really form sufficient grounds for branding Uncle Steve a full-fledged loser? While personally we'd call that a little harsh, evidently CBS MarketWatch doesn't agree; Steve's been dropped on the "loser" side of the fence along with Al Gore, Jeff Bezos, and recently-departed Priceline.com founder Jay Walker. Is that fair? Priceline.com is on its last legs, much to the crooning Captain Kirk's eternal chagrin, and while Gore captured a majority of the popular vote in the last Presidential election, he walks away with zippo; meanwhile (barring further missteps), Steve's company has more than enough cash to ride out the storm, and we're pretty sure that sales are still growing, albeit at a slower pace. Considering that all computer manufacturers are going through a rough patch right now, singling Steve out as a loser might simply be a return to business as usual: the media's love of kicking Apple when it's down.
So buckle down, people; with Steve officially on a Loser List, it won't be long before we return to the heady days of news stories with an even more distinctly anti-Apple slant. Be prepared, because soon even positive news will be cast in a sickly light. We're just waiting for juicy headlines like "Apple Returns To Profitability; Delays Inevitable Collapse For Another Quarter" and stuff like that. Let the melodrama begin!
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 12/29/00 episode: December 29, 2000: The bloom is off the iCEO, as Steve makes MarketWatch's list of losers in the year 2000. Meanwhile, the New York Times trashes the Pentium 4 while talking up the PowerPC, and Nintendo appears to be buying up and shrinking old Apple inventory to create its new game systems...
Other scenes from that episode: 2770: Undercover Evangelism (12/29/00) Amid the rabid Apple-bashing that is sure to surface in the media over the course of the next few months, it's nice to know that Uncle Steve won't be in the doghouse alone. Since Apple's not the only tech company facing nasty badness right now, hopefully we can expect a slew of negative coverage about all sorts of high-profile corporations for our unending entertainment... 2771: We Will Call It "Mini-Mac" (12/29/00) Do you ever wonder what happens to Apple's remaining inventory of existing Macs when a new line gets released? Generally Apple's pretty good at flushing the channel. Heck, with Commander Steve's Iron Veil of Secrecy firmly in place, that's one of the only ways that Apple-watchers can anticipate new hardware introductions; when Apple cuts prices and bleeds the channel dry, chances are there's a refreshed version waiting in the wings...
Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast... | |  |
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