Happy Microsoft Smackdown Day! That's right, people, it's been exactly one year since the Redmond Beast was found guilty of having violated the Sherman Antitrust Act, which eventually led to the whole "let's cut 'em in half" penalty-- at which time we at AtAT declared April 3rd to be Microsoft Smackdown Day, from then "until the end of time." Imagine our dismay that Hallmark has yet to produce even one of our proposed greeting cards. We thought at least the "Our Condolences On Your Savage Courtroom Beating" design was a winner...

Anyway, since it's been exactly one year, we figured this would be a good time to reflect on the various ways in which being split into two companies has drastically altered Microsoft's behavior. What's that? Nothing's changed, because the case is still mired deeply in the appeals process? Oh. Well, instead, let's examine the drastic effects that the verdict has had on the economy at large. (Insert large visual aid of a giant, smoking crater here.) To put it another way, we recommend that you celebrate Microsoft Smackdown Day by converting all of your remaining tech stock holdings into stock certificates, shredding them finely, putting the results in a blender with two frozen bananas, a handful of strawberries, and eight ounces of fresh-squeezed orange juice, hitting "frappe," and thus preparing yourself a delicious Despair Smoothie.

See, those of you who follow the stock market are undoubtedly aware that the NASDAQ is currently flirting with its lowest levels in two and a half years. Those of you who don't follow the stock market still probably knew something was up by the increasing frequency of Investor Storms recently. Those sudden downpours of distraught Wall Street types splattering on the pavement? That's not a side-effect of global warming, ya know. And while it would be folly to blame this whole tech stock nightmare solely on Microsoft or the "Redmond Justice" verdict, a three-year chart of the NASDAQ is still mighty interesting: the index peaked just weeks before the verdict, dropped sharply on rumors that negotiations were shaky, and really started to tank the day before the verdict when it was announced that settlement talks had broken down completely. And for the most part, it's been downhill since then.

So, enjoy the holiday! And for some real giggles, don't forget to check out our laughably inaccurate stock market predictions from just before the meteor hit. In particular, we're hooting with delight over this gem: "Don't panic and sell on Monday when the markets go haywire, and don't go leaping out of any windows. Things will quiet down eventually, and once the dust settles, we're guessing most of the NASDAQ will be just fine." Can you stand it? And people say we're not funny!