If there were ever any doubt that the Mac-using community is off its collective nut, the world now knows for sure-- and not because of our oddball choice of computing platform, our quixotic battle against assimilation by the Windows horde, or even our unyielding willingness to bathe in Reality Distortion Field radiation like it's a cure for exposure to poor taste. Nope, what's going to get "normal people" slowly edging away from us on the subway is the way in which we're reacting to this whole Apple retail stores announcement. The news of Apple's plans to open its first ritzy boutique on May 19th at an upscale Virginia mall prompted hordes of local Mac fans to descend upon the hapless location like a swarm of locusts armed with spy cameras and innocent expressions.

Seriously, just take a look around; between the special reports at The Mac Observer and MacNN, we're picturing covert black-clad Mac operatives hiding in bushes and snapping infrared photos of whatever activity is visible beyond the unmarked construction wall blocking the action. Do you think Wintel people were sneaking around in the shadows trying to get illicit glimpses of the first Gateway Country stores? Yeah, right. Heck, we're more than a little surprised that some overzealous Mac maven hasn't knocked out one of the construction workers in the bathroom, stolen his clothes, and breached the store's perimeter for a better look at the inside. (Note: AtAT does not condone such extreme measures to sneak a peek of an under-construction boutique that'll be open to the public in ten days anyway, so don't go getting any ideas.)

The level of detail of some of these reports is inspiring, if not just slightly ridiculous. Estimates based on "pacing off the store by foot" put the store at roughly fifty feet wide and about 10,000 square feet in area. Apparently quick glimpses inside the construction site (through "cracks in the construction wall," no less) indicate that the finished interior will be "very bright in light and white color"; furthermore, small signs hanging from the ceiling divvy up the store into sections marked "Home," "Music," "Kids," "Pro," "Movies," "Photos," "Genius," and "Etc." Oh, and since you're obviously all wondering what kind of Ethernet routers Apple will be using in the store, empty boxes found in the dumpster reveal that Asanté has been trusted with the gig. (Now you can sleep at night.)

Anyway, there's no dearth of sketchy facts and mostly unenlightening digital pix of the Apple store's exterior floating around on the 'net right now, but if you're planning on launching your own little covert recon mission, be prepared to deal with mall cops a-plenty. Evidently all this unwanted attention by the local Mac community has prompted Apple to step up security to the degree of absurdity; "at least a half dozen mall security guards" are now stationed both inside the mall in front of the store and outside at the store's back entrance. Our own sources report that Steve Jobs has even personally hired the legendary Lafours of New Jersey's Eden Prairie Mall to head up the security squad at Tysons Corner, so if you're going to tangle with him, make sure you've got a plan (and a sock full of quarters)...