Larry: Lotsa Praise, No Dirt (6/11/01)
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Looks like we got our hopes up for nothing. Oracle CEO and Apple board member Larry "Listen To Me Talk" Ellison was nattering with the press again, and you know what that means: when we're lucky, he occasionally lets slip something juicy (and sometimes woefully inaccurate) about Apple's upcoming product lines. Unfortunately, this time we weren't lucky, and so the rebirth of "Mac NC" rumors will have to wait just a little while longer. In the meantime, it's well-known that Larry can't be interviewed without dropping a few choice words about his bestest buddy Steve (and indeed, no one can interview him without asking, either), so hey, it wasn't a total loss.

In this latest San Jose Mercury News interview, Larry is characteristically gushy about his pal, calling Steve "one of those heroic guys whose accomplishments are of such epic proportions." In fact, Steve is so much the hero, says Larry, that your average shmoes just don't like him. Whether this is due to modern society's fundamentally egalitarian sensibilities, as Larry claims, or because average shmoes are just as likely as not to be called "bozos" by Steve after having their outfits and sexual histories questioned is a mystery for the ages. In either case, Steve is apparently as comfortable with being tagged "mercurial" as Larry is with being called "arrogant." According to Larry, the wild and wacky pair "almost decided to wear T-shirts" bearing the adjectives proudly for all to see.

Larry crams so much gushing praise into eight sentences (he even compares Steve to Napoleon-- it's so rare to find a person with a Napoleon complex about someone else), it's plain to see who's the sidekick in this high-tech CEO buddy road movie. But Larry, while we're always happy to hear more about how Steve is a golden god whose feet never touch the base earth, do us a favor: next time, how about a little dirt on that long-missing Apple NC? Or a handheld model? Or even that new iMac that's probably only a month away? We're dyin', here!


 
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The above scene was taken from the 6/11/01 episode:

June 11, 2001: Apple Legal tries to rid itself of an unsolicited endorsement by the Church of Satan. Meanwhile, Larry Ellison is talking to the press again, but it's all Steve-praise and no product info leaks, and Apple confirms that an Apple Store is coming to Cambridge, MA, thus provoking a Happy Dance at AtAT headquarters...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3106: The Power Mac Of The Beast (6/11/01)   We may have attention spans shorter than a Yahoo Serious film festival, but if the consequences are painful enough, even we can learn from our mistakes. For example, last November we raised the issue of the German government looking to ban Microsoft software because of its ties to Scientology; at the time we figured we maintained an appropriately neutral stance (on Scientology, that is-- we still blithely referred to Microsoft's "inherent suckiness")...

  • 3108: Just Around The Corner (6/11/01)   What better way to kill valuable airtime during this stultifying lull in the normally turbulent world of Mac drama than by checking in with Apple's official list of open Mac Genius positions? And lo and behold, there's some good news for Mac fans living on the nation's southeastern peninsula-- there are no fewer than three imminent Florida Apple Stores looking for talent: Tampa, Miami, and Wellington Green...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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