A Powerful Burning Feeling (6/13/01)

Perhaps it's unease brought on by the dearth of quality Mac drama fodder lately-- or maybe it's got something to do with the strawberry-and-Tabasco sorbet we invented in a fit of inspiration and self-destruction last night. For whatever reason, on our last visit to Slumberland, the AtAT staff found itself plagued with dreams that we can only describe as visions: omens of things to come. (Well, okay, the part when Steve Jobs turned into a penguin with human feet and started pecking the exposed knees of a shorts-wearing Regis Philbin probably wasn't an omen, but just about everything else was.)

You know us; generally we're very unlikely to advise people to wait before purchasing a Mac just in case a newer model or special deal is just around the corner. But given the strength and clarity of the visions that plagued us last night, we're going to make a very specific suggestion to you, our viewing audience: if you were just about to rush out and snap up a titanium PowerBook G4, you might want to wait until Friday. Just until Friday! That's two measly days; surely a 48-hour delay isn't going to kill you, and Apple's balance sheet isn't likely to be scarred for life just because one or two AtAT viewers decided to heed the portents in some goofy fever-dream by postponing a purchase for a couple of days.

See, here's what we saw: a PowerBook on fire, but it was totally unlike the flaming PowerBook 5300s that frequently chase us in nightmares. Nope, this one was a current model-- a gorgeous slab of titanium, bathed in a powerful flame that burned with all the colors of the iTunes Visuals. Suddenly it split into two; one of the burning PowerBooks ran from us, then, finally stopping three months away and settling happily into its new slot on the calendar. The other nestled squarely on its Friday cushion, but as we watched in awe, the fire poured out of the slot in its front and burned brightly next to the PowerBook; a thin tendril of flame connected the fire to the PowerBook's rear. At that point, the two parties that had been raging in the background ran out of ice and fizzled out, but just then the mailman showed up to deliver a third, which immediately started jamming to iTunes. And then that thing with the Penguin Steve and Regis happened, Regis force-fed us giant marshmallows, and we woke up to discover our pillows were missing.

For those of you unfamiliar with dream analysis and the interpretation of mystical visions, let's just say that we're no longer as sure about a new PowerBook at July's Macworld Expo as we once were-- but Apple may be filling a certain gap in that product's functionality in a slightly less... integrated manner until the new units are ready to rumble. The thing about visions is that unless you happen to be Cordelia from "Angel," they're frequently inaccurate and not to be trusted-- but in this particular instance, we think a two-day wait before placing an order for a PowerBook is at most a minor inconvenience, and the payoff could be big. Still, it's entirely your call. Personally, we weren't in the market for a new PowerBook anyway, so having imparted our divine wisdom, it's back to the Novelty Dessert drawing board. Hmmm... How about "Tabascicles"?

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The above scene was taken from the 6/13/01 episode:

June 13, 2001: Looking to buy a new PowerBook? Strange visions indicate that you might want to wait until Friday. Meanwhile, at least one analyst is expecting an Apple earnings warning any day now, and Palm announces that nobody has actually approached it with a buyout offer...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3113: Warning: Warning Ahead (6/13/01)   Not that glass-half-empty perspectives on Apple Computer are particularly hard to come by or anything, but if you're in the mood for a tour de force of negativity on the company's prospects, look no further than Elyssa Jaffe's report at IDEAadvisor...

  • 3114: The Palm Stands Alone (6/13/01)   Apple-buys-Palm theorists take note: as faithful viewer Jen Griffin pointed out, just yesterday Palm CEO Carl "Inventory? What Inventory?" Yankowski stated that his beleaguered company hasn't been approached by any potential buyers looking to make an offer...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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