Not that glass-half-empty perspectives on Apple Computer are particularly hard to come by or anything, but if you're in the mood for a tour de force of negativity on the company's prospects, look no further than Elyssa Jaffe's report at IDEAadvisor. Not only does her article ferret out just about every possible bad thing that has happened-- or might happen-- to Apple in the short term, but it also conveniently highlights key bummers in boldface just in case you're a busy investor-type who only has time for bad news info-bites. In fact, we'd go so far as to say that Elyssa's work is a veritable masterpiece of easy-to-absorb stinkin' thinkin', and we're grateful to faithful viewer Peter Krall for bringing it to our attention.

But try to look past the screaming boldface reminders of "recent weakness in [the] iMac line," how "demand has flattened," and how AAPL has "slid approximately 20%" in less than a month. Also momentarily ignore the boldface unfounded speculation of potential problems, such as how the new Apple Stores may have "not panned out as expected." If you look carefully, you'll note that the article isn't just a recap of past defeats, present weaknesses, and future nightmares; there's actually a real, honest-to-goodness message to investors, here. That message (in boldface, of course) is this: "further opportunity exists for additional lowering of expectations." In other words, Apple "may yet come out with another warning regarding quarterly results." Still not getting it? Why, then perhaps the title (hey, more boldface!) can help clarify: "Don't be Surprised by an Apple Warning."

Now, since the article isn't exactly clear, we're not entirely sure, but we think Elyssa might be trying to tell us that Apple might issue an earnings warning. An Apple earnings warning? Woo-hoo! Sure, that'd knock the AtAT stock portfolio flat on its butt, but hey, we're talking about a return to some serious hand-wringing drama-- which would at least put a quick end to the news lull in which we've been languishing for some time now. But don't get your hopes up too high; if you run down the list of reasons why Apple is allegedly ripe for bad news, you might notice something strange. Whereas Elyssa is quick to point out weakness in the iMac and Power Mac lines and even mentions that Apple is "behind its peers in introducing a portable web access device or handheld system," she mysteriously omits any mention of the iBook or PowerBook-- the two latest Apple products to get a complete overhaul. Both of which, we're told, have been selling quite well.

So, while an Apple earnings warning might be a nice break from the boredom, we're not exactly holding our breath. Heck, at broadcast time AAPL was even up 5%-- presumably following optimistic rumblings from Goldman Sachs, which we saw noted over at MacMinute. But we can always dream...