We LOVE Market Research (9/28/01)
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A free upgrade to Mac OS X 10.1 is one thing, but there are even better deals out there for crafty people "in the know." Well, today on AtAT we bring you a very special treat: we're going to reveal the secret of how to score a free PowerBook G4 instead. Yes, kiddies, revealed for the first time anywhere is a foolproof method to walk into an Apple retail store and saunter out with a fabulous titanium PowerBook, at no cost to you and without all that tedious cutting of security cables and running like hell when the alarms go off. So listen up.

See, the key is to take advantage of Apple's store satisfaction surveys. Everyone knows that the company is blowing a ton of cash on this whole retail initiative, and more than a few analysts think that the whole thing is a terrible idea, especially in this economic climate. Apple, however, is committed to proving those naysayers wrong, and part of that entails soliciting feedback from customers on the whole shopping experience and how to improve it. To that end, faithful viewer King Wilson reports that he was accosted by a woman as he left the Woodfield boutique a couple of nights ago. After about five minutes spent answering standard questions about his visit to the store ("What was your overall impression of the store's layout," "Was the staff courteous and knowledgeable," "How come at first Dino was a talking dinosaur, but after that he just yapped like a terrier on speed and knocked Fred down a lot," etc.), the woman then handed him twenty bucks.

So, without further ado, we present the AtAT Path To A Free PowerBook:

  • Visit the nearest Apple retail store.

  • Exit looking receptive, thoughtful, and leisurely to attract the survey people.

  • Answer all questions as quickly as possible and collect your payment.

  • Once out of sight, disguise your appearance, perhaps with a monocle or a fake scar and moustache.

  • Return to the store in your new guise.

  • Repeat 110 to 150 times (depending on specific PowerBook desired). Don't forget to figure in the sales tax.

  • Return to the store one last time to purchase a PowerBook with rolls of twenties.

Don't thank us; it's the least we can do for our faithful viewers. Enjoy your foray into titanium bliss-- and if the cops call, we're denying everything.


 
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The above scene was taken from the 9/28/01 episode:

September 28, 2001: The free Mac OS X 10.1 update kits will be available at participating Apple resellers tomorrow-- probably. Meanwhile, abusing market research initiatives can be fun and profitable, and the new judge in "Redmond Justice" orders some pretty serious settlement talks before she pulls the trigger...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3329: Maybe The $20 Is Worth It (9/28/01)   So here we are, enjoying 10.1 Eve. Or 10.1 Eve Day. Whatever. Call it what you will; even if you refer to it as "International Puma Anticipation Day" or even "Friday" (you weirdo), the fact remains that for those of us who weren't blessed with Seybold passes, tomorrow marks the first day we can legally get our hands on Mac OS X 10.1...

  • 3331: Corrective Action Report (9/28/01)   On the "Redmond Justice" front, there's no doubt about it: in addition to finding her name wonderfully fun to pronounce (say it soft and it's almost like praying), we really like the cut of Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly's jib...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(485 votes)

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